Parenting
One afternoon not long ago, I opened our back door to the sounds of laughter and excited voices from the neighborhood children playing in our yard.
“Mom! Can I go play with my friends next door? QUICK! Where are my shoes?” my six-year-old son, Oliver, exclaimed breathlessly.
“Of course, sweetheart. Your shoes are wherever you left them,” I replied.
“But, MOM! I can’t find them!” he said in a flurry of panic. “Can you help me find my shoes? HURRY! They’re waiting for me! MY FRIENDS ARE WAITING FOR ME!”
Let’s be clear: his friends were not actually waiting for him. They were happily engaged in their own fun, completely unaware of Oliver’s frantic search. They would certainly welcome him when he arrived, but at that moment, they were perfectly content enjoying their games without him.
Yet in Oliver’s mind, they were eagerly anticipating his arrival, as if his presence was the missing piece of their fun. He radiated confidence—absolutely certain that he belonged with them, that he was an integral part of their little group.
Within minutes, we located his shoes, and he bolted out the door. Watching him skip across the yard to join his friends filled my heart with joy. His every movement reflected a pure, unadulterated confidence and innocent happiness. I felt immense gratitude for his kind neighbors, especially since many were older than him.
However, amidst my maternal pride, I found myself grappling with unexpected feelings: Envy and Wonder. I envied his self-assurance and was in awe of his unwavering belief that he was valued and accepted. To be honest, I am not nearly as confident as my son at six years old—I wish I were. I often question my sense of belonging and whether I am enough.
While I was more reserved as a child compared to Oliver, I once experienced a sense of security and belonging. However, during adolescence, it seems that innocence fades, giving way to insecurities and self-doubt. I began to question my worth, comparing myself to others: Am I attractive enough? Am I cool enough? Am I liked enough?
Do we ever truly outgrow that self-conscious teenager who is uncertain of their identity? Do we stop questioning our place in the world and whether we are good enough? Even as adults, we often hide our insecurities and wear various masks in an attempt to fit in.
In college, I relied on parties and alcohol to create a façade of belonging, projecting an image of who I wanted to be instead of embracing my true self. In my twenties, I used makeup and trendy clothing to obscure my insecurities and fabricate an image of confidence. Even now, though the challenges have shifted, they continue to manifest in unhealthy ways. I find myself using social media as a measure of my worth—whether through likes on Facebook, blog statistics, or curated Instagram photos.
But I can’t help but wonder: Is that joyful, confident six-year-old still within me, hidden behind layers of doubt and fear? If I listen closely and quiet the surrounding noise, I almost hear her whispering, “It’s okay, you can stop hiding now. You are amazing.”
Perhaps our role as parents is to help our children retain that wholesome confidence for as long as possible. We must remind them of their worth and create a nurturing environment where they feel accepted. Furthermore, as adults, we should strive to rediscover that self-assuredness from childhood while acknowledging that everyone struggles with their unique vulnerabilities. We all occasionally feel like awkward teenagers longing for acceptance, despite our differences.
The challenge, both as parents and as individuals, is to remove our masks, embrace our vulnerabilities, and hold our children’s hands as we joyfully skip toward the greatness that awaits us.
(Then again, maybe you don’t ever feel like an insecure teenager with awkward features. In that case, it’s all calm and confident over here.)
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In summary, the journey of parenting involves nurturing our children’s confidence while also striving to reclaim our own self-worth and acceptance. By fostering an environment of belonging, we can empower our children to embrace their uniqueness and navigate life’s challenges with assurance.