I find myself pondering daily whether I’m a good father. I take solace in the fact that my daughter generally seems fond of me and that my partner, Jenna, hasn’t left yet. However, it may take another couple of decades before I truly understand if I’ve succeeded as a parent. When it comes to the bare minimum expectations for fathers, I’m doing alright—I hold a steady job and come home right after work; I hardly drink and never excessively; I prepare dinner and pitch in with household chores; I handle preschool drop-offs and pick-ups when it’s my turn; and I take care of lunch packing, dressing her in the morning, putting on pajamas at night, and managing bath and bedtime routines.
Yet, I question whether any of this actually qualifies me as a good dad. While it’s essential to consider if I’m adequately sharing daily parenting responsibilities, I realize that this is equally about being a supportive partner to Jenna. Unfortunately, the queries that weigh on me often delve deeper than “Did I pack enough lunches this week?” and often lack straightforward answers.
1. Am I fully present with my daughter?
I don’t mean making her the center of my universe at all times; I believe it’s important for her to learn self-entertainment, especially when I have other tasks. However, I often struggle to disengage from my tablet, laptop, or smartphone, which distracts me from quality time with her. All too often, I catch myself saying “just five more minutes!” while focusing on trivial matters instead of her. My daughter’s enthusiasm for my presence is fleeting; if I keep looking at my phone, I might find her retreating into her room, absorbed in whatever new app captures her attention.
It’s crucial for her to know now that I find her interesting and value her thoughts. I don’t want her to grow up feeling like the people closest to her can easily overlook her. While it’s easy to blame technology for distractions, past generations of parents had their own vices. If I can show her that she matters more than my gadgets, perhaps she’ll remember that when she’s older.
2. Am I too wrapped up in my own schedule?
With a strict work schedule, dinner prep, lunch packing, and evening shows with Jenna, my time feels limited. When my daughter throws a wrench into this routine—refusing to wear pants or suddenly disliking the snack she requested—I can become irritable. I’ve learned that my frustration only makes her more resistant, creating a cycle of delays and grumpiness for both of us. I need to remind myself that she’s only three and not take her refusals personally. Making our routine enjoyable for her can lead to a smoother experience.
3. Am I setting a good example?
My father often said, “Do as I say, not as I do,” and I find myself on the verge of saying the same to my daughter. While it was amusing when she first imitated me cursing, it’s not as funny now that she echoes less appropriate words in frustration. She absorbs my behaviors more than the lessons I try to teach her. I need to reevaluate everything from my language to my eating habits. Otherwise, I might be setting myself up for the heart-wrenching moment when she tells me, “I learned it by watching you, Dad!”
4. Am I exhibiting enough patience?
Patience is the most challenging quality for me as a parent. It’s baffling how someone so small can spark such intense reactions from me. Often, our disagreements boil down to simple matters, like insisting she eat two more bites of her hot dog. Although my parents enforced discipline, I want to guide our daughter without using fear. I aim to teach her respect and responsibility through patience rather than punishment.
5. Am I allowing her to be her own person?
I find it easy to encourage my daughter now, but I know that will shift as she grows older. I envision her excelling in sports, but I also understand that she will have her own interests. I need to balance sharing my passions with genuinely supporting hers, even if they differ significantly from what I hope for her.
6. Am I worrying too much about others’ opinions?
This is a tough one for me. After years of judging other parents, I find myself on the receiving end of scrutiny. I want my daughter to express gratitude and manners, but I wrestle with my tone when correcting her. I need to focus more on nurturing her growth rather than worrying about what onlookers think.
In conclusion, being a dad involves constant questioning and self-improvement. I want to ensure that my daughter knows she is loved and supported, regardless of the choices she makes in life. It’s a journey filled with questions, challenges, and occasional missteps.
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