Parenting
As a child, I often felt a mix of anxiety and confusion. It took years for me to realize that these feelings weren’t typical and that I wasn’t to blame for them. Through extensive therapy and self-discovery, I began to link my emotions to my relationship with my mother. This realization marked the beginning of my journey to navigate the complexities of a relationship that had always been filled with discomfort and strain, despite my belief that it should be effortless.
It’s widely recognized that mother-daughter dynamics can be challenging, but mine felt particularly intense. In my 20s, as I delved into therapy and recognized the dysfunction in our connection, I made a choice that I believed was necessary: I severed ties with my mother. This decision was incredibly difficult—every day brought its own challenges, especially during holidays and birthdays. I grappled with overwhelming guilt and sorrow. Was I a terrible person for distancing myself from my own mother? Why did everyone else appear to have harmonious relationships with their moms? What was wrong with me?
As I focused on my personal growth, I eventually felt ready to reconnect with my mother. However, this time I approached our relationship with a clear understanding of the issues at play. I established firm boundaries and engaged in every interaction with intention. Reestablishing contact alleviated some of my guilt and helped me feel more “normal.” Yet, upon reflection, I recognized that I was emotionally drained. Despite the outward appearance of improvement, I found myself in a constant state of hyperawareness, reminiscent of my childhood.
Last summer, while visiting family, I felt an all-too-familiar sense of entrapment. As the days progressed, my feelings of discomfort intensified. Unlike my younger self, I now had a family that depended on me; I couldn’t simply retreat. So, I took a stand—I ghosted my mother.
Let me clarify, it wasn’t a simple decision, but it felt far more manageable than it had in my 20s. Ultimately, it was a massive relief to release the pressure of trying to maintain boundaries, cultivate a healthy relationship, or mold her into the mother I longed for. I simply let go.
There are moments of sadness, particularly when I reflect on the absence of an emotionally available mother during my life, especially now that I am a mother myself. However, navigating a toxic relationship that drains emotional energy is challenging and can be harmful to one’s mental health. I’m no longer a confused child; I’m an adult with responsibilities.
When I found myself in a situation last summer that left me feeling bewildered and ashamed—despite my clear conscience—I recognized it was time to act. I blocked her number, filtered her text messages, and unfollowed her on social media. I stopped acknowledging her cards and gifts.
In the past year, my self-esteem has soared. I partnered in a business venture with my best friend, reignited my passion for writing, and feel liberated to be my authentic self without the weight of my mother’s expectations. I’ve come to embrace the unique qualities I bring to the world—intense emotions, unwavering loyalty, deep empathy, strong business acumen, and flashes of creativity.
Since distancing myself from my mother, I have found the freedom to truly be myself.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of a relationship with a difficult mother can be a daunting task. After years of anxiety and confusion, I made the difficult decision to sever ties with my mother, ultimately leading to personal growth and self-acceptance. By prioritizing my own mental health and well-being, I have found a sense of freedom and authenticity that I never thought possible.