I anticipated that pregnancy would bring about a multitude of physical changes (let’s be real, some of them are downright bizarre). Nurturing a new life is no small feat, so it’s understandable that those who are pregnant might feel a little off-kilter.
However, the peculiarities that followed the arrival of my child took me by surprise. Here’s a glimpse into some of the oddities you might encounter with your post-baby body:
The infamous FUPA
FUPA stands for Fat Upper Pubic Area, essentially that stubborn bit of belly that clings on like the last guest at a party who hasn’t quite realized it’s time to leave. You might also hear it described as a pooch or muffin top. Whatever you choose to call it, this fleshy pouch is why Spanx became a household name.
A backside that won’t quit… until it does
I never considered myself to be someone who gained weight in my rear until after having kids. My backside expanded significantly, only to mysteriously deflate one morning, leaving an additional skin flap behind—my behind now has its own mini rear.
Teenage boy acne
Seriously? Who would have thought I’d be battling both wrinkles and breakouts? The acne resurfaced during pregnancy and has stubbornly remained.
Unexpected hair growth
As if keeping up with shaving and plucking wasn’t enough, I now find myself dealing with random dark hairs sprouting in strange places. With my sleep-deprived brain, I’ve devised a geographical system to track them: two wilderness hairs in Montana (a.k.a. my chin), one chilling in Maine (my shoulder), and a couple of odd ones in Colorado and Nebraska (my nips). And we’ll just keep the details about what’s happening down south in Mexico to ourselves.
Apocalyptic periods
Each month, I can’t shake the feeling that disaster is imminent.
A metabolism that seems to work in reverse
Remember the days when maintaining your weight was as simple as eating moderately and exercising? Now, after two kids, I find that I have to work out just to avoid gaining more weight, and even thinking about a chocolate muffin can trigger back fat.
A bladder that never feels content
There were many things I took for granted pre-kids, like shopping or simply existing alone, and a bladder that functioned properly. I used to breeze through movies without a bathroom break, but now I go at least twice. And heaven forbid I laugh, sneeze, or cough during the film!
Boobs that are at odds with each other
I once thought my breasts were like twins, but they’ve revealed themselves to be more like feuding sisters. It seems they had a disagreement during my breastfeeding days because they’ve been at odds ever since. One prefers to hide under my arm while the other has chosen to head south, making friends with my belly button.
So, to all the expecting moms out there feeling uneasy about your body changes, I get it. It’s tough. And once the baby arrives, things tend to get even weirder. Honestly, I’d take a full pregnant belly over the unfortunate FUPA any day.
If you’re interested in more information on your journey to motherhood, check out our post on couples’ fertility with artificial insemination kits here. For insights on finding joy during this transformative time, visit Mindful Monday with Clara Johnson. For a comprehensive guide on pregnancy, you can also refer to this resource on in vitro fertilisation.
In summary, the post-baby body can bring about unexpected and peculiar changes that can be both amusing and frustrating. From the infamous FUPA to surprising hair growth, it’s a wild ride. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and it’s all part of the adventure.