Updated: March 10, 2021
Originally Published: July 1, 2011
Isn’t it time we put an end to that pesky little spider? Seriously, how many times does he need to climb that water spout? Do we really need a new tune about it each time? Patty cake has its charm, but really, “mark it with a B”? Let’s be honest—let’s mark it with an M for Mommy, and I’ll devour it over the sink once the kids are tucked in for the night.
Moms deserve their own nursery rhymes: catchy, relatable, and grounded in reality—unlike the bewildering “Hey Diddle Diddle” (and what’s up with that giggling dog?). When you’re feeling like Humpty Dumpty about to crack, you might as well find some humor in it.
ONE TWO
One, two. Slip on your #%*@ shoes.
Three, four. They’re right at the door.
Five, six. What’s that you just licked?
Seven, eight. Not a snack! You just ate!
Nine, ten. Ugh, late again.
HICKORY DICKORY
Hickory dickory dock,
Can you please stop fiddling with your %^&*?
You finished number one, but now you’re all done.
Hickory dickory %^&*.
LITTLE BO PEEP
Little Bo Peep can’t find her sleep,
And all she does is cry and weep.
Just leave her be, she’ll drift off alone—
They call it Ferberizing, she’ll be in the zone.
HERE IS THE CHURCH
Here is the church,
Here is the steeple.
Duck down in your seat,
We know all those people.
HUSH LITTLE BABY
Hush, little baby, don’t make a sound,
And I’ll let you play some Angry Birds all around.
If that annoying pig won’t go,
Hand it to your sibling; let them give it a go.
This article was originally published on July 1, 2011.
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Summary:
This rewritten article presents humorous and relatable nursery rhymes specifically for moms, replacing traditional themes with everyday parenting struggles. It connects with readers by using light-hearted language and modern references.