My 9-year-old son, Ethan, flushed with embarrassment as he recounted his day, giggling nervously. He looked to me for a reaction, and I fought to mask my surprise, striving to appear as open-minded as possible. This was a pivotal moment, and I didn’t want to squander the opportunity to impart something significant. While my initial impulse was to lecture—though I was unsure on what exactly—I ultimately recognized the value in simply asking questions.
Ethan’s revelation involved a classmate who had somehow brought a phone to school, discovered a photograph of a naked woman, and proceeded to share it with his friends. I had always anticipated this conversation would occur during his middle school years, but the reality of life in the digital age meant I had to adjust my expectations. Having grown up before the Internet era, my experiences were vastly different; kids back then found magazines tucked away, not an endless stream of images available on their devices. Yet, I was determined not to be naïve about the likelihood that my children might encounter—or even actively seek out—sexual content online much sooner than I would prefer. Over the years, I had mentally prepared what I like to call “The Birds and the Bees 2.0,” a modern sex talk that extends beyond the basics of reproduction to encompass the complexities of sex in the digital world.
Thus began my discussion with Ethan, albeit in my clumsy and awkward way. “You know,” I started, maintaining a facade of nonjudgment, “there are many pictures of naked people on the Internet that aren’t, um… well, not all of those people wanted their images shared. Some may even be victims of exploitation.”
Ethan looked puzzled. “You mean kids like my brothers and me?”
I hesitated, wanting to be truthful without instilling too much fear. “Yes, some of them are. Even older teenagers can be considered kids, too. They might not realize that once a picture is online, it’s out there for everyone to see.”
“That’s terrible,” he replied.
“I know. And some of those images or videos depict people in ways that don’t reflect reality. The individuals, especially women, aren’t always treated well. They can even be harmed. And their appearances? They often look quite different from the bodies you see in real life—sometimes they’re heavily edited or altered.”
Ethan’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Gross, Mom!” He hid behind his hands, clearly uncomfortable with the idea that he might one day be interested in seeing another naked body.
“I know, it seems gross to you now. But it’s important to understand this.” I pressed on, “Most naked bodies you encounter in reality won’t resemble those you see online. I want you to approach these images—and everyone—with respect.”
We continued to discuss this sensitive topic for a few more minutes. Ethan posed questions, and I did my best to respond appropriately for his age. It was challenging, moving, and undeniably awkward.
“Looking at naked pictures isn’t inherently bad,” I explained. “One day, you may find it appealing. But I want you to think critically about the content before you look at it. Consider the kinds of images you choose to view.”
As I spoke, I perceived two distinct versions of Ethan: the playful, freckled boy with a gap-toothed grin who comes home with mud on his clothes, and the emerging young man who will soon navigate the complicated waters of adolescence, forming crushes and harboring curious desires.
I felt compelled to address both of these boys in my son. Part of me wished I could simply declare, “No porn on the Internet!” or even, “If you want to look at porn, just check with me first!” But I understood that these approaches would be futile. As he grows, Ethan will have access to screens and the vast expanse of the Internet, and while I can manage what he sees on our home computer, I cannot control what he encounters on his friends’ devices. Research indicates that 43 percent of teens have viewed pornography online, according to a study from Northwestern University.
It’s likely that one day, Ethan will actively search for naked images or videos online. My goal is for him and my other sons to appreciate that sex can be beautiful and enjoyable. I want them to approach sex without shame or guilt, understanding the importance of consent and the distinction between real-life intimacy and the often distorted portrayals found in pornography. I hope they will engage with this content thoughtfully and critically, aware of the complexities of sex, power, and representation.
Thus, I will continue to have these conversations—my Birds and the Bees 2.0 talks—no matter how clumsy or uncomfortable they may be. Ultimately, while I cannot shield my children from everything they might see, I can help shape the lens through which they view the world. For more insights on related topics, you can check out this excellent resource on infertility and conception here. Additionally, for those interested in home insemination, you might find our post about home insemination kits engaging, as well as updates from our community here.
In summary, as parents, we must navigate the complexities of modern discussions about sex, ensuring our children are informed, respectful, and prepared for the realities of their digital landscape.