When my daughter turned three, my mother, aunt, and grandmother teamed up to present her with a pink wonderland of gifts. Among the treasures were a tiny baby doll, a matching diaper bag, and even miniature diapers for the baby. There were also various princess-themed items—a tiara, a necklace, a wand (perhaps she was a fairy instead of a princess? It’s a fine distinction), clip-on earrings, a dress, and, naturally, her very first pair of high heels.
I watched in awe as my little girl wobbled around the room in her new heels. She was beaming—clearly thrilled with the birthday celebration, the gifts, and the attention. Or perhaps her excitement was specifically about these gifts. Maybe she adored her new purse, heels, tiara, earrings, bracelet, and necklace.
In the ongoing discussion about nature versus nurture, I find myself firmly in the nurture camp. I truly believe that girls embrace the notion of pink princesses because they are conditioned to do so. By the age of three, these concepts are deeply embedded in their minds, making it difficult to stray from the path. Tell a little girl that boys can play with dolls, and she’ll likely think you’re joking. Conversely, inform a boy that the Cars stickers in the party goody bag belong to his sister, and he’ll know you’re teasing. We instill these beliefs from the moment they arrive in the world, and then when they show the behaviors we’ve taught them, we proclaim, “See? Girls ARE different from boys! Can’t argue with nature.”
Don’t misunderstand me; while I am convinced that girls learn to favor pink and are not inherently drawn to tea parties, I’m not overly concerned about it. My daughter was thrilled in her high heels, and that was what truly mattered in that moment. Plus, look at her with Grandma, happily dressing her new baby doll.
A few days later, I gently approached my mother-in-law. “It’s fine to get her this pink princess stuff,” I suggested, “but she needs some balance. If you buy her pink items, maybe consider getting her some non-pink ones too? Just to show her that life is more than princesses and dolls.”
I believed I was being reasonable until my mother-in-law replied, “I buy this stuff to complement your time with her.” Initially, I felt defensive, but then it clicked. I’m a stay-at-home dad, and my daughter spends most of her day with me. What do we do together? We play basketball, soccer, hike, and build with Lego—we engage in countless activities that are far from “girly.” In three years, I’ve never dressed her in a dress. It’s not intentional; I’m not trying to curb her identity or push her into any mold. I enjoy playing sports with her, and her being a girl shouldn’t alter that.
This realization was enlightening. Perhaps the pink items aren’t something I should resist but rather aspects I should embrace, as challenging as that might be, since they maintain the balance I desire for her. When she struts around with her little purse as if she’s a celebrity, maybe it’s time for me to step back and let her explore that side of herself. After she’s had her fun, I can toss a plastic ball her way, watching her giggle as she tumbles, gets back up, and kicks the ball back to me.
Speaking of balance, here’s her birthday cake. When we asked what she wanted, she replied, “Princess.” We agreed but insisted on including something else for balance, which is how we ended up with this creation… My daughter, the occasionally-princess.
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In summary, parenting is about finding balance. While my daughter enjoys her princess-themed gifts, she also engages in a variety of activities that keep her well-rounded. Embracing her interests, even if they include pink and glitter, allows her to explore her identity while still enjoying playtime with her dad.