Why I Won’t Create Another List of Things Not to Say

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A few months ago, I penned a piece addressing the unhelpful remarks directed at parents, particularly mothers of boys. My aim was to blend humor with insight, infusing a touch of sarcasm to keep it engaging. I envisioned myself as a voice of reason, preventing countless awkward moments by highlighting the insensitive comments parents often endure.

Drawing from my own encounters, I vented about the irksome remarks that had grated on my nerves. I dissected each comment, transforming my irritation into a comprehensive list meant to guide others. But as I continued this exercise, I found myself mired in negativity, seeking out offensive comments as if they were lurking in every conversation.

The proliferation of “what-not-to-say” lists is staggering. They cover everything from the well-meaning but misguided comments made to new parents to the remarks aimed at those with multiple children. These lists resonate widely because they are often humorous and offer a sense of validation for parents who have endured similarly awkward interactions. After all, who hasn’t had an inappropriate comment thrown their way? I, too, have stumbled into the territory of thoughtless remarks more times than I can count.

However, I’ve come to realize that most of these comments lack malice. They are often born from ignorance or a simple desire to connect, not from a place of hostility. While these lists can indeed provide valuable insights in certain contexts, I can’t help but feel that the trend has skewed our perception. We seem to be living in a culture where we actively seek out offense, interpreting benign comments through a lens of suspicion.

At some point, we really need to take a step back and lighten up. It’s crucial to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Many people may not have read the endless articles outlining what not to say, and frankly, we could all use a little grace. The avalanche of parenting advice and opinions can be overwhelming, fostering an environment of judgment rather than support.

I frequently question my own parenting skills. It’s a tough journey filled with messiness and uncertainty. While I wholeheartedly endorse open dialogue and awareness, I wonder if we’ve conditioned ourselves to view interactions as battles rather than opportunities for connection.

Yes, there are certainly some individuals who make offensive remarks. But the majority of people, I believe, mean well and are simply navigating their own uncertainties. Perhaps we would find more comfort as parents—and as individuals—if we adopted a mindset of generosity and understanding.

So, what was on my original list of things not to say? Well, you’ll have to look elsewhere for that. I’m not inclined to produce that list today. However, I can’t deny that I still chuckle at those humorous “what not to say” headlines that float through my social media feeds.

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In summary, the trend of creating lists detailing what not to say has, in many ways, contributed to an environment of heightened sensitivity. While it’s essential to promote awareness, we must also strive to foster understanding and compassion within our parenting community.