I felt a sting from her candid remarks, yet I also understood where she was coming from. As I sipped my coffee, I noticed the sweet moment of my daughter and me tackling her algebra homework together. It was a snapshot in time—a snapshot of her middle school days when she needed a little guidance with her studies. I yearned to preserve these early mornings filled with schoolwork and the fleeting phase of “tweendom” that would soon be just a memory.
However, my daughter viewed it differently. All she could see was her messy hair from sleep and her worn pajamas. She noticed her sleepy expression and wished to maintain that teenage image where she keeps a little distance from her parents during the day. She wanted to project that she usually rocks styled hair and trendy outfits. I get it.
Not too long ago, I untagged myself from a photo that a friend shared on Facebook. When he inquired why, I explained that while he saw a joyful moment with old friends, I was confronted by memories of an 18-year-old who was struggling with her self-esteem and health. His tagging brought that version of me back into focus, and I couldn’t click “delete” fast enough.
So, I understand that a moment I cherish can be perceived differently by her. A few years ago, I might have posted a photo without her input. But now that she’s 12 and active on social media, everything has changed.
After much pleading for what felt like an eternity (her words, not mine), I finally created her Instagram account on her twelfth birthday. It’s a bit overwhelming for me, though our parental controls are likely more robust than a major retailer’s IT security. We figured this would be a safe way for her to dip her toes into social media under our watchful eyes—before the complexities of online interactions expand as she grows older. Trust me, the thought of Snapchat, cyberbullying, and even Tinder makes me want to relocate to a remote cabin in the woods.
What I didn’t anticipate was how much I would learn from her experience with social media. Here are five lessons I’ve gathered:
- Pause Before Posting: The digital world retains everything. Consider whether a post is something you want to be associated with long-term. Would you be comfortable with a future employer or your grandmother seeing it? Having my daughter on social media has prompted me to think critically about the impact of my online presence.
- Consider Others: It’s essential to recognize that your posts may affect friends or family. Always seek permission before sharing images or stories that involve others. Although I share my own parenting experiences, they aren’t solely mine to tell. I now consult my kids about what I share; if they’re uncomfortable, I respect their feelings.
- Recognize Your Circle: My Facebook account has grown to include many acquaintances. In the past, I accepted friend requests from those with mutual connections, but now I question who these people really are. Monitoring who follows my daughter’s Instagram has encouraged me to refine my own social media connections and maintain clearer boundaries between personal and professional content.
- Value Authenticity Over Popularity: It’s easy to get caught up in the numbers of “likes” and shares. I’ve had heart-to-heart discussions with my daughter about posting only what resonates with her, not just what might go viral. This realization has helped me focus on sharing what truly matters rather than seeking validation through social media metrics.
- Be Present: Is it necessary to document every moment? Initially, my daughter was glued to her phone after joining Instagram, and it made me reflect on my own habits. Was capturing a picture more critical than enjoying the moment together? Social media is fun, but the people right in front of us should always take precedence. Learning to balance this has been one of the most significant insights I’ve gained from observing my daughter’s social media journey.
Parenting is a blend of awe and apprehension. As we navigate this new terrain of social media together, I find myself both worried and amazed. Watching her grow and learn has been a delightful experience, even as I cringe at some of the friends on her approval list.
In summary, the journey into the world of social media has opened my eyes to the importance of mindfulness, respect, and authenticity. My daughter’s experience reminds me that we’re all learning together, and as parents, we continually evolve alongside our children.
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