“Life can be quite challenging, right?” my friend texted me recently.
“Absolutely,” I replied.
We had been trying to coordinate a get-together for the upcoming weekend, but the usual obstacles—children’s activities, travel commitments, and other responsibilities—were in our way. I miss her. She misses me too, and it’s disappointing. Life can be tough.
This morning did not start on a high note; I awoke to find a bathroom sink leaking, the shower door had come off its hinges, and one of my dogs had an unfortunate accident on my son’s piano book. The other dog—perhaps the same one?—had spread sickness all over the living spaces. Our morning was a chaotic rush to drop the kids off at school, filled with quick goodbyes. I’ve felt like crying all day, though I can’t pinpoint exactly why. Some days just hit harder than others.
“Parenting is tough,” a friend messaged me this afternoon. “It feels like I’ve jumped off a parenting cliff with no safety net or plan.”
“That’s a daily feeling for me,” I replied.
The relentless questions and uncertainties can be overwhelming. Are they getting enough sleep? Are we reading together enough? How long is too long for a kid to cling to a comfort object? Should my son play football? Should they engage in more activities or cut back? Each new phase in parenting feels like a leap into the unknown. Most days, I’m left wondering if I’m doing enough, or if I’m falling short.
Parenting is challenging. Friendships can be demanding. Relationships require effort. Work can be exhausting. Life, in its entirety, can be hard. Occasionally, it feels like everything is just too much.
By openly stating that life is difficult, I know I’m treading into uncomfortable territory. This honesty isn’t always welcomed. We prefer to portray life as good and manageable. It’s easier to reflect on hardships once we’ve emerged from them. We share our struggles only after they’ve passed, celebrating our triumphs and proclaiming “Hallelujah!” because we once felt lost but have now found our way.
But what about the moments when we’re still mired in struggle? When we’re weighed down by our burdens, still searching for the light? When we’re lost and wandering? Where are the “me too” stories when we need them most?
During tough times, I often deceive myself with the biggest falsehood of all: “You’re all alone. No one can possibly relate.”
Some of life’s most meaningful experiences are fraught with difficulty. Parenting is undeniably demanding. Maintaining a marriage can be complex, particularly while raising young children. Nurturing friendships often feels like an uphill battle, especially when distance separates us. Simply being an adult is frequently a formidable challenge.
The beautiful aspects of life—parenting, marriage, friendship—often come with a tougher, grittier side. Ignoring these realities doesn’t serve anyone. Acknowledging the hard and less glamorous parts of these experiences does not diminish their beauty or significance. It’s essential to recognize that sometimes everything is just plain hard.
Every day, I remain keenly aware of life’s richness and beauty, even on the toughest days. I express gratitude for my children, even when parenting feels overwhelming. I cherish my husband, family, and friends, even when our commitments get in the way and our expressions of love sometimes get lost in translation.
Tonight, I was texting with my friend about scheduling a visit. Living nearly 1,000 miles apart, coupled with life’s busy nature, makes it challenging to find time together. We both acknowledged that yes, life can be very tough at times. Yet, we don’t always want to admit this when we’re in the thick of it. We discussed planning another girls’ weekend soon.
“Let’s have noodle salad!” I texted, referencing a line from As Good as It Gets. In the film, Jack Nicholson’s character observes, “Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But for many, that’s their story. Good times, noodle salad. What’s frustrating isn’t that you’ve had it bad, but that so many others seem to have it good.”
We had first seen that movie almost two decades ago at my grandparents’ lake house, surrounded by boats, friends, and noodle salad. There were good times and noodle salad then.
The reality is that life can be tough. Sometimes, everything feels overwhelming. Yet, life also has its beautiful moments, with sunny days and laughter. Often, it’s a mix of both; the most valuable experiences tend to be a blend of both hard and good.
Perhaps the key lies in creating joyful moments even when we feel like we’re teetering on the edge or navigating uncharted waters. Maybe it’s about enjoying noodle salad, even if it’s too creamy and the kids are crying for pizza. And by “noodle salad,” I mean indulging in cookie dough and wine while texting a friend about how overwhelmingly difficult life can be at times.
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Summary
Parenting is often filled with challenges and uncertainties, making it hard to navigate daily life. Acknowledging the difficulties of parenting, relationships, and life itself can be uncomfortable, but it’s essential to recognize that these struggles are shared by many. Finding moments of joy amidst the chaos, like enjoying simple meals or connecting with friends, is vital for maintaining balance and perspective.