Do you find HIV frightening? We did too, but today we’re #FacingAIDS for World AIDS Day (#WorldAIDSDay).
From the very beginning of our relationship, my partner and I discussed the possibilities of foster care and adoption. When it came to choosing the specific needs we felt comfortable addressing, we both agreed on one thing: we were hesitant about parenting a child with HIV. Our understanding of HIV back then was rooted in misconceptions rather than knowledge. After welcoming our first two children, we worried about their safety if we were to adopt a child with HIV. Fast forward to today—I’m a proud mother of six, including a child with HIV. We are joining others in #FacingAIDS, proving that HIV is not merely a distant issue from the past.
So, what changed our perspective?
Ignorance often carries a negative connotation, but it simply means lacking knowledge or understanding. Ignorance itself is not inherently shameful unless we refuse to educate ourselves when new information becomes available. Despite holding a master’s degree in special education and being well-versed in many special needs, my knowledge of HIV/AIDS was stuck in the outdated lessons of my middle school health class.
An eye-opening experience came when an old friend from my hometown contracted HIV from a partner. She was younger than me and single at the time, and I believed her future was grim. However, her condition is now well-managed with medication. She eventually found love, married, and thanks to medical advances, her husband remains HIV-negative. They even have the option for healthy biological children, should they choose to start a family. Witnessing her journey helped me realize just how misinformed I had been.
As my partner and I consulted with trusted healthcare professionals, our ignorance began to dissolve. This newfound understanding allowed us to say yes to adopting three siblings last year, one of whom is living with HIV.
I wish I could say all our friends and family embraced this education as we did, but that wasn’t the case. While I still mourn some of those relationships, I can’t control others’ choices—and sometimes that’s painful.
Recently, I broke my own rule about engaging with comments on a Scary Mommy post regarding HIV. The feedback was harsh. Many commenters didn’t bother to read the article or watch the program before voicing their opinions, suggesting that children like mine should be excluded from public spaces. The reality is that the U.S. has thoroughly monitored HIV transmissions for decades, and the virus has never been contracted in environments like schools, playgrounds, or even within our homes.
Both the blog post and the television segment highlighted how advancements in medication can suppress HIV viral loads to undetectable levels. I am grateful for these medical developments as they protect my child’s health. Importantly, other children are not at risk through normal childhood interactions, as HIV isn’t transmitted in those contexts. Treatment serves to keep my child healthy and prevents the progression to AIDS. Additionally, for sexually active individuals with HIV, maintaining an undetectable viral load significantly reduces the risk of transmission to partners, provided that HIV status is disclosed.
In everyday environments such as schools or playgrounds, there’s no medical or ethical necessity to disclose a child’s HIV status to teachers, administrators, or other parents. While some families, like mine, opt to share this information to foster understanding, we are under no obligation to do so. HIV exists in specific bodily fluids—semen, vaginal fluids, breast milk, and blood. The first three are not relevant in children’s interactions, and blood transmission has never occurred through typical childhood incidents like scrapes, bruises, or minor accidents.
Despite my efforts to educate the public, I recognize that others’ choices may still adversely affect my child. When people choose fear over facts, they miss out on knowing an incredible child who enriches the world. The only person in this scenario with no choice was my child. Before taking their first breath, they were given a diagnosis and the stigma attached to it. I could choose to ignore knowledge, and you can too. But my child had no say in the matter.
Perhaps you approached this article with the same mindset I once had. Maybe you still feel uncertain. That’s perfectly fine—wanting to learn more is not ignorance. I encourage you to explore resources like this one on home insemination kits, consult trusted medical professionals, or conduct your own research on the topic. For additional essential preparations for a newborn’s arrival, check out this informative article on preparations for baby’s arrival. And for those seeking further information on fertility services, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources.
In the end, the choice lies with you. I hope you will stand with us in combating stigma and striving for an AIDS-free generation, but the decision is yours.
Summary:
The article reflects on the author’s transformation in understanding HIV from fear and ignorance to acceptance and advocacy. Initially hesitant about raising a child with HIV, the author shares how personal experiences and education shifted their perspective, leading to the adoption of a child with HIV. They emphasize the importance of knowledge over fear, debunking common misconceptions about the transmission of HIV in everyday environments. The piece encourages readers to educate themselves and make informed decisions about HIV and its stigma.