A friend and I once had a candid conversation about the realities of our daily lives. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom, while he held an impressive title at a prominent advertising agency, something like “Director of Creative Branded Cross-Advertorial Synergistic Relationships.” Naturally, I was curious about what that actually involved.
“I direct creative branded cross-advertorial synergistic relationships,” he explained.
“What does that mean in practical terms?” I probed.
“I facilitate creative branded cross-advertorial synergistic relationships,” he clarified, slightly annoyed.
I persisted, “When you stroll into your office and grab that first cup of coffee, what does your day look like until 6 p.m.?”
“I send emails,” he replied.
“And what about you?” he asked, turning the question back to me.
“I wipe stuff,” I answered.
The Labels of Motherhood
Motherhood comes with various labels: housewife, domestic engineer, working mother, full-time mom, stay-at-home mom, or work-at-home mom. While we can dissect these titles as much as we want, when it comes to the actual day-to-day responsibilities, they all boil down to wiping, cleaning, and tidying up.
To be fair, it’s not solely about wiping. Sometimes I find myself scraping, scrubbing, folding, or sweeping. But if we’re being honest, my primary role could easily be summed up as a cleaning lady.
The Reality of Cleaning
This becomes problematic because I’m not particularly fond of cleaning. Chores that require constant repetition—like doing dishes, laundry, or tidying up the living room—are particularly frustrating. I often find myself thinking, “Didn’t I just do this yesterday?” even while grooming.
When you have a baby, many things are shocking: the pain of childbirth, the financial burden of childcare, and the unsolicited advice about dressing your baby in a hat on a warm day. But what truly took me by surprise was the sheer volume of cleaning that suddenly became necessary. I would say it multiplies tenfold, but I’m not sure that’s even a word—maybe dectuples?
Chores Before and After Kids
Before kids, my husband and I approached chores casually. We washed a few dishes each night, vacuumed occasionally, and scrubbed the tub only when it became too dirty to ignore. But with children, a single meal feels like a disaster zone. After breakfast, it resembles a battlefield where toast crusts have been used as weapons, and jam could be found dripping from the ceiling fan. We utilize an absurd number of plates, cutting boards, and utensils during each meal, not to mention the constant grit underfoot, no matter how often I sweep.
Dirty dishes might as well be on a conveyor belt. In my early days as a stay-at-home mom, I would joke with my husband, “You know who Sisyphus’ wife was? Dishyphus. While he was out rolling his rock, she was home scraping burnt eggs off the frying pan.” Then, I’d often break down in tears. My wise husband suggested we reevaluate our division of labor.
The Never-Ending Cycle
Yet, even with both of us pitching in, it’s a never-ending cycle. We spend all day, every day, trying to restore order to the chaos created by our children. One child meticulously cuts pieces of paper too small to pick up by hand but too large to vacuum. Another decorates his door with marker scribbles. Someone else tracks sand from their shoes into our clean bed, while another leaves muddy handprints around the sink. And then there are the mystery booger smears found on walls, discoveries that nearly sent me over the edge.
By the end of the day, my husband, too tired to wash the pots, often places a leftover pasta sauce pan in the fridge, knowing full well it’s just a temporary stop on its way to becoming a science experiment. Shoes, coats, and bags create a trail from the front door down the hallway, like clothing left behind in a sprint to the finish line. I’ve given up asking the kids to hang up their things and just kick them aside now.
A New Mother’s Discharge Package
When a new mother leaves the hospital, they should receive microfiber cloths, rags, and paper towels as part of their discharge package. Alongside breastfeeding and bathing tutorials, there should be a housekeeping crash course. “Prepare yourself,” they could say. “Breastfeeding and diaper changes are temporary, but cleaning? That’s a lifelong commitment.”
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Conclusion
In summary, motherhood often feels like a never-ending cleaning job, and it’s not the glamorous role many expect. It’s a daily struggle against chaos, and the cleaning never truly ends.