Parenting
The First-Time Mom Panic
As I witnessed a new mother unwrap gift after gift at her recent baby shower, I found myself yearning to experience that moment just once more. I will never again feel the thrill of standing on the verge of a monumental life change, balancing between two realities: one where I am free, and the other where I am eternally connected to another being. (But not too much balancing… because, you know, dilated vaginas.) There’s always a certain thrill that comes with being a first-time mom.
For a fleeting moment at the shower, I wished to relive that thrill—the uncharted waters of motherhood, navigating fresh challenges, and savoring the pride of having emerged unscathed. And the gear! Goodness gracious, where were all these nifty toys and gadgets when I had my baby?!
Then, I was reminded of that one day at the pool.
My daughter was around four or five months old when I took her to the pool alone for the very first time. We were splashing and enjoying ourselves until I noticed the skin around her eyes had turned a vivid shade of red. She was rubbing her eyes vigorously and becoming increasingly fussy. This was clearly an emergency, and I was the responsible parent. In that moment, I felt as though all the warnings I’d received during pregnancy were manifesting right before my eyes, and my capabilities as a parent were on the line. It was time to act.
And by act, I mean totally freak out.
As I hurriedly packed our things and raced toward the car, I decided I should call the pediatrician. The nurse didn’t seem overly concerned. She must have misunderstood the gravity of the situation. My daughter was obviously experiencing a severe allergic reaction or had contracted some waterborne virus that would leave her blind. Or perhaps cancer. Could this be a symptom of cancer? I insisted on bringing her in immediately, and the nurse kindly agreed to fit us in.
However, as I drove, something felt off. Those rear-facing car seats are the worst; I couldn’t see how my daughter was doing. What were those strange noises coming from her? A wave of panic washed over me—I feared she wasn’t breathing. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed 911.
“911. What’s your emergency?”
“I’m on the side of the road, and I think my baby is having trouble breathing!”
“Okay, ma’am. Is your baby turning blue?”
“No.”
“Ma’am…”
“Yes?”
“Ma’am, is that your baby crying very loudly in the background?”
“Yes, that’s her.”
“Ma’am, if your baby is crying, that means she’s breathing.”
Okay, perhaps I needed to take a breather. Clearly, the situation wasn’t as dire as I had imagined, but surely the pediatrician would uncover the cause of this mysterious ailment and commend my swift action.
“Doctor, I don’t know what’s wrong. Her eyes just suddenly turned red, and she was crying. Does she have a serious allergy? Should I have rushed straight to the ER? Will this impact her eyesight? Oh, the horror! Will she ever play the violin?”
“Looks to me like she merely got a bit of sunscreen in her eyes. See? The redness is already fading. Try using zinc oxide next time; it’s gentler.”
And that’s why I’m relieved I’m not a first-time mom anymore.
I no longer leap to the worst-case scenario in a matter of seconds—instead, it’s more like five minutes, but I can usually regain my rationality fairly quickly. You know, before I involve 911.
Experience has taught me that true emergencies in parenting are few and far between, and it has provided me with a more grounded instinct to rely on. My first-time mom intuition was cluttered with fears of rare diseases, freak accidents, and an exaggerated number of potential baby kidnappers versus normal folks, accompanied by the nagging thought of “but what if we’re that 0.01%?” I had clearly relied on an inexperienced gut.
That expectant mother can have all the impressive baby gadgets. Meanwhile, I’ll sit here with my lightweight bag, confident that if my child is crying, she is breathing. And also aware that no matter which diaper that new mom chooses, it will quickly start smelling like caca.
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Summary
In this humorous reflection on motherhood, Lisa Thompson reminisces about her experiences as a first-time mom, recalling the panic that ensued during a minor incident at the pool. Through her story, she illustrates how parenting instincts evolve over time, leading to a more balanced perspective on emergencies. With a mix of nostalgia and humor, she emphasizes the importance of experience in navigating the challenges of motherhood.