20 Reasons I Prefer My Boss at Work Over My Toddler at Home

At home insemination

After a long day at the office, I return home to the delightful chaos that is motherhood. Balancing work and family can be a challenge, but it’s essential to find humor in the situation. Here are 20 reasons why I genuinely appreciate my boss at work much more than my little boss at home:

1. My boss never insists on joining me on the toilet.
2. My boss does not smear his nose on my clothes.
3. When I’m busy with paperwork, my boss doesn’t rush in with crayons demanding to “work” too.
4. Lunchtime is peaceful because my boss doesn’t spit food or reach for my plate.
5. I don’t have to bear-hug my boss during a meltdown or sing “The Wheels on the Bus” fifty times just to calm him down.
6. I can focus on my tasks at work without my boss begging to watch cat videos the moment I sit down.
7. My boss actually pays me, while my toddler thinks everything in the house is “MINE!”
8. Afternoons at the office are relaxing since my boss doesn’t resist naps.
9. The workplace is a safer environment because my boss doesn’t bite, pinch, or kick.
10. My boss doesn’t run around in only his underwear and a superhero cape—thank goodness!
11. My boss doesn’t announce his bodily functions with a comedic flair, nor does he laugh uncontrollably afterward.
12. I seldom need to remind my boss to keep his voice down.
13. My toddler insists on being completely nude to use the bathroom, while my boss has no such requirement.
14. Our office is surrounded by beautiful hedges and flowers, and my boss doesn’t feel the need to “water” them. Meanwhile, my toddler thinks he should sprinkle every plant he sees.
15. Getting into the car with my boss is a breeze; he can buckle his own seatbelt—unlike my toddler, who resembles a slippery fish in a car seat.
16. My boss doesn’t hide behind my legs when meeting new clients; we skip the awkward “peeking” game entirely.
17. I can go an entire workday without hearing someone complain about an itchy bottom—something that happens all too frequently at home.
18. My boss doesn’t throw tantrums insisting on doing everything himself, though that kind of independence would be refreshing occasionally.
19. My boss can put his shoes on the correct feet on the first try (I assume he never struggles with this).
20. After years in the corporate world, I can confidently say I’ve never heard a high-pitched, urgent cry for help like, “All done, come and wiiiiipe me!” from my boss!

In summary, navigating the challenges of both work and parenthood can be daunting. However, recognizing the differences between my professional environment and the playful chaos at home provides a moment of levity. For those interested in home insemination, resources like Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit can offer valuable insights, while You’ve Got This serves as an authority on the subject. For more detailed information, you might explore Medline Plus, which is a great resource for pregnancy and home insemination.