By: Jane Harper
Updated: Feb. 20, 2016
Originally Published: Sep. 26, 2010
Occasionally, I find myself feeling adventurous and decide to take my two young boys—ages 3 and 8 months—out for an evening jaunt. Admittedly, this is often a recipe for chaos since it coincides with their fussy time. Just yesterday, as we left the mall during rush hour, the moment we were strapped into the car, both boys erupted into a cacophony of screams. Their outbursts were so intense that I couldn’t help but chuckle, and in that moment, I felt like a different parent.
A shift occurred within me. Typically, I would be nervously reassuring them, saying things like, “We’ll be home soon!” while desperately trying to comfort my little one from the backseat. I’d often belt out songs at the top of my lungs in a futile attempt to speed up the traffic. However, this time, I chose silence, allowing myself to detach from the chaos instead of adding to it. As I merged onto the highway, I pondered whether I was undergoing a transformation from a new parent to a more seasoned one, and the mere fact that I could reflect on this amidst the chaos seemed telling.
I considered how my responses had changed since welcoming my second child. I no longer rush to the crib at the first sound of my youngest waking up; I calmly finish my tasks before heading over. I’m also much more accepting of crying, understanding that it’s a normal part of parenting rather than a crisis. I even let my 8-month-old cry a bit to help him sleep—something I would never have entertained with my first child.
Conflict, too, has become a normal part of my routine. With my firstborn, I struggled to set boundaries, fearing that I would stifle his curiosity. Now, I recognize that limits are essential for both safety and sanity. Regular disagreements are simply a sign that I’m fulfilling my role as a parent.
Perfectionism no longer looms over me. I once obsessively ensured that my child’s diet was devoid of processed foods. Now, I strive for a balanced approach without the burdensome pressure. I’ve relaxed my stance on sunblock and bug spray, applying only what’s necessary and allowing myself to breathe.
I’ve also learned to give my children more independence. Where I once spent all day singing and playing with my baby, I now encourage them to explore their own little worlds. Additionally, I’ve grown more trusting and welcoming of help. I used to be hesitant to let anyone hold my firstborn, but now I readily hand my baby over to friends and embrace opportunities for a break—even utilizing childcare at the gym. I wave goodbye to my little one with a sense of ease I couldn’t have imagined during those early days.
Most importantly, I’ve come to appreciate not only my children’s well-being but my own as well. My love for them is no longer tied to endless worries.
As I neared my exit, reflecting on my newfound identity as a seasoned mom, we suddenly hit a patch of stopped traffic. My children continued to scream, and my confidence wavered. But then I remembered: crackers stashed in the center console! I realized that keeping snacks in the car was a seasoned parent move. Tossing those crackers into the backseat restored my faith in my transformation.
Thanks to the snacks, we navigated the chaos and made it home with far less stress. Instead of panicking, I could laugh and trust that everything would be alright—even if it felt like a scene from a horror movie.
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