When people talk about parenting challenges, the focus often lands on the second-born child. But what about the firstborn? These children are inundated with attention, lavished with gifts, and subjected to an experimental parenting phase, where every sneeze and coo is met with fascination. They quickly find themselves at the top of the family hierarchy, displacing beloved pets from their cozy spots and monopolizing family time. Yet, what of their struggles?
As a second-born child myself, I never felt the weight of the firstborn’s challenges—until I had my first daughter, Lily. Suddenly, I began to see that the firstborn child might bear a unique burden. At just 17 months, Lily’s world turned upside down when we brought her little sister home. Her initial reaction was a swift smack to the newborn’s head, a clear sign of her dismay at no longer being the sole focus of our universe. She instinctively understood that her reign had been usurped by this tiny interloper, relegating her to a position just above our pets.
The most striking aspect of this firstborn “curse” is the loss of the spotlight. They may wonder where the attention has gone and why the family has shifted its focus to a squirming, crying bundle that seems to take all the love. The firstborn often faces a crucial decision: they can strive for perfection to regain parental approval or resort to making life difficult for the newcomer.
Most firstborns choose the former route, exhibiting exemplary behavior and taking on responsibilities to impress their parents. However, some may decide that this approach is futile and opt for a more dramatic stance: attempting to sabotage the baby. It’s a risky game. I recall a particular firstborn who was found gleefully bouncing on top of his younger sibling, inadvertently triggering a spit-up fountain.
With their meticulous nature, many firstborns are prone to feelings of resentment towards their mischievous younger siblings. They often exhibit remarkable self-control, but once pushed too far, they can erupt into a whirlwind of fury, morphing into a creature unrecognizable from the calm child they usually are. Parents, witnessing this transformation, may realize they’ve held their firstborn to unrealistic standards, vowing to give them more attention—only to be sidetracked by the antics of the second child.
If you have a firstborn who is determined to maintain their status as the family’s favorite, be prepared for clever sabotage. Their tactics can range from subtle emotional manipulation to outright physical attempts at getting rid of the new baby. The only remedy for this tumultuous period may be some good anti-anxiety medication and an abundance of patience. Although it may feel like an eternity, this phase will eventually pass.
Reflecting on my daughter, I feel a deep sadness that our special bond was altered so dramatically with the arrival of her sister. She has had to mature more quickly and watch as her sibling gets away with behaviors that would have been unthinkable for her at the same age. There’s little I could have done differently, but I often wish I’d had more energy to reassure her of her importance.
Despite these hurdles, Lily has blossomed into a wonderful child. I believe the challenges of being a firstborn will ultimately fuel her to embrace life with determination and achieve great things. She is resilient, loving, and will always hold a special place in my heart as my first baby.
For those exploring the journey of parenthood, consider checking out some remarkable resources like UCSF’s Center for Pregnancy and intracervical insemination, where you can find invaluable information. If you’re looking for at-home options, our post on artificial insemination kits covers that topic too!
Summary:
The firstborn child often faces unique challenges, including a loss of attention and the pressure to maintain high standards. As they adjust to having a sibling, they may react in various ways, from striving for perfection to attempting to undermine the newcomer. Despite the difficulties, this journey can foster resilience and strength, leading to a bright future.