Parenting Insights
Updated: Aug. 23, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 22, 2010
I’m a mother, a partner, and sometimes I feel like I’m losing my grip. I strive to be a good person, but I am certainly not a housekeeper, a chef, or anyone’s personal assistant.
The current parenting landscape makes it seem like we’re perpetually falling short. The societal expectations can be overwhelming. I grapple with my definition of what it means to be a “good” parent. “Good” parents have tidy homes, tidy clothes, and drive their kids to school daily. They engage their little ones in play all day long, take them on adventures during the week, and prepare healthful lunches filled with kale chips and yogurt.
But that’s not me.
In reality, my dining room table has been neglected for days, buried under a mountain of laundry. I might have to start using my old period underwear for fun, just to make it interesting. My dog has taken to retrieving soggy socks from the clothesline, and let’s not even talk about the chewed-up shoes left strewn about. I’ve been walking past the same Duplo block, a pencil, and a clean diaper for a week. They’ve practically become part of the furniture. My daughter has a dirty diaper that I’ll get to…eventually. It’s a bit overwhelming.
Did your child exceed an hour of screen time today? My son often watches TV from 7 to 10 p.m.—sometimes even later. There are days when I don’t notice how long it’s been on until I realize he’s become addicted to Pirate Jake.
Do your children beg you to play with them all day? My daughter does, and I’m currently ignoring her while sipping coffee and writing this. I rarely indulge in playtime; it feels as appealing as getting up early every morning. Remember when you entertained yourself for hours while your parents did their grown-up things? Our kids can do that too.
Are you stressed about providing nutritious meals? My kids had white bread with butter and cake for dinner last night, followed by chocolate at their brother’s BMX practice. What of it?
Does the burden of extracurricular activities wear you down? My 10-year-old participates in just one activity, and there are times we tell him it’s canceled just to avoid the hassle. (Pick your excuse: I’m too tired, the weather’s bad, or I’m battling social anxiety.)
Seeing your friends on social media doing crafts with their kids? Don’t worry; I’m not bothered. Have you ever tried cleaning up glitter and paint? Not here! Pencils and pens are the extent of our creative endeavors unless I’m feeling particularly generous and the house is spotless—neither of which happens often.
Is it too much to expect your three kids to wear matching socks? Right now, my daughter is sporting one of my socks and one from her brother. She’s only two.
Do your kids talk to you? Mine do—I just smile and nod.
Does it become overwhelming when your children are misbehaving in public and you’re faced with judgmental glances? Smile and wave, folks. Smile and wave.
Do you find yourself watching your language around your kids because they pick up everything? My daughter recently called our dog a “Freaking Head.” High-five me later.
The reality is, none of this makes me a bad parent. It just means I’m comfortable with my parenting style. I accept that sometimes kids need to learn independence and that indulging in treats or allowing TV time can be understanding, especially on tough days. It’s certainly better than yelling at them to be quiet.
The laundry is piling up because I prioritize spending time with my kids, even if it means procrastinating on housework.
My kids occasionally curse because, well, kids hear things.
We are human first, and then we become mothers. We’re learning how to navigate this chaotic role every day. We read bedtime stories, share laughter, and cherish our children. They’ll love us despite the amount of TV they watch or the occasional junk food they consume. Their affection isn’t dependent on whether their socks match all the time.
I, Veronica, am not sidelined by motherhood. Neither are you. I strive to be a decent human being while being a mom and a partner. We can’t be crushed by invisible societal pressures.
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Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of recognizing that mothers are individuals first, navigating the challenges of parenting amid societal expectations. It encourages acceptance of imperfections, prioritizing family time, and understanding that love for one’s children transcends conventional standards of parenting.