In the early days of our romance, snuggling up together under the stars felt like a sweet dream. Yet, as time passed, I found myself contemplating a rather violent reaction to my partner’s encroachment on my precious sleeping space. Once, we were carefree lovebirds, sharing even the tiniest of beds with playful winks while traveling. Now, our massive King-sized bed feels cramped, and I often long for solitude during the night.
Recently, my partner was away on a work assignment. The days were long and exhausting as I managed our lively children solo, but the nights—oh, those glorious nights!—were a different story. I would enter a tranquil room, claiming the entire 40 square feet of mattress for myself. I’d set my soothing sound machine, crawl into the neat sheets, and create a cozy little cocoon using his pillows. It was pure bliss, uninterrupted sleep enveloping me until morning.
And then he returned home.
The tranquility shattered as the bed bounced beneath him, followed by the unmistakable weight of his arm draping across my waist. The snoring that followed was almost unbearable. I still can’t fathom how I didn’t react more aggressively. With a shove, I rolled him onto his side, hoping for a modicum of peace.
But not long after, I was jolted awake by an unexpected grasp as he pulled me into a late-night spooning session. Trapped in his grip, I fought to suppress my frustration. Then came the breathing—so loud and incessant it felt like a relentless drumbeat. If only he hadn’t commandeered all six pillows, I might have had the urge to silence him with one!
No amount of sound machine serenity could erase the disturbances of my sleep. I know I should appreciate the love and closeness, but is this really necessary when I’m desperately trying to catch some Z’s?
I now fully grasp why classic TV couples had separate beds; what brilliance! I propose we sell our expansive bed and invest in three twin beds instead. I could set up my own space with a plush mattress pad, light bedding, and my sound machine nearby. He could have his firm mattress with cozy flannel sheets year-round. The third bed could serve as a rendezvous point for those intimate moments.
Voila! Problem solved. We’d still share a room and have a designated space for some fun, but I wouldn’t have to endure the nightly disturbances of his snoring or unexpected midnight cuddles.
Not only do I believe this “Three Bed Solution” could rejuvenate our marriage and keep the love alive for decades, but I also envision it becoming a worldwide trend. Just imagine wedding registries featuring the Twin Bed Trifecta. Pillow Pets might even launch a His, Hers, and Winky-Winky anniversary collection. The drop in divorce rates would be phenomenal—all stemming from my refusal to endure another night of my partner’s snoring and grabby affection.
So, if you see this concept take off in the future, don’t forget to thank my husband, who will likely be found in the unmade bed by the window, two headboards away from me.
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In summary, the Three Bed Solution could not only save my marriage but potentially revolutionize couples’ sleeping arrangements around the world.