Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: July 2, 2010
I’ve always been someone who values her personal space. Throughout my life, I’ve only managed to share living quarters with others for short stints, as my roommates often found my need for solitude overwhelming. I’m not particularly proud of this trait, but I’ve come to embrace it. I identify as an introvert.
However, life has not always aligned with my desire for privacy, leading to a series of compromises along the way. In college, I quickly discovered the challenges of communal dorm bathrooms, and I learned where to find those elusive private stalls on campus. The alternative was waking up at an ungodly hour just to have some peace.
Marriage brought its own set of challenges, including a shared bathroom that now required my upkeep—definitely not part of the marriage vows! Sharing a bathroom with my husband was just the beginning; I also had to share a bed, and I don’t mean that romantically. Let’s just say he’s a notorious snorer and covers hog, and I’ve thought about a drastic solution involving scissors to split the blankets. Yet, I suspect he would still claim his half in the night and come after mine!
Once we welcomed children into our lives, my dreams of personal time all but vanished for at least the next decade. I now share a bathroom with three energetic boys, often all at once. I can’t remember the last time I had a moment alone in the bathroom; even my husband follows me in for a chat, knowing it’s the only place I might sit still for more than thirty seconds.
I adore my boys, but at times, their affection can feel stifling. It’s far too easy to lose sight of my individual self amidst family life, forgetting the little things that once defined me.
Last week, I reached my breaking point. After two weeks of hosting my in-laws, the atmosphere in our home was tense. After putting the kids to bed one night, I found myself trapped in my son’s bed, unable to escape the overwhelming heat and discomfort while desperately avoiding the social interactions waiting for me downstairs. I felt immobilized.
Finally, I managed to free myself from my son’s grasp, got dressed, kissed my husband goodbye, and bolted from the house as if it were on fire. My heart raced with a mix of exhilaration and guilt for abandoning my family, but the allure of freedom was too tempting to resist.
I drove around with loud music blaring, singing off-key to my heart’s content, unbothered by anyone listening. Eventually, I found myself at a movie theater, something I rarely do alone. As I soaked in the ambiance, I felt relaxation wash over me for the first time in weeks. I was hooked, and like any new enthusiast, I thought: I want more.
I had become so accustomed to prioritizing everyone else’s needs that I had forgotten how liberating it feels to indulge in a little selfishness. Having tasted this forbidden freedom, there was no turning back. My mind raced with thoughts of other small luxuries I longed for—simple pleasures I seldom allow myself.
I want to wake up one morning to mimosas, even if it’s not a vacation day. I’m an adult, and I should be able to enjoy a drink at 7:00 AM if I choose! I want to take the scenic route when driving, so I can play my favorite song on repeat, belting it out with abandon. I want to dress up for no reason at all and throw a dance party in my living room—no casual swaying, but full-on diva moves worthy of a stage. I want to treat myself to something unnecessary, even if it’s just a new nail polish or a shimmering lip gloss. (Lingerie only counts if I’d be embarrassed for my dad to fold it!)
I want to leave my house in disarray and climb into bed early, hoping that cleaning elves will magically appear overnight. I want to stay out late, dine at a restaurant, and indulge in nothing but desserts and drinks. What’s the point of adulthood if I can’t occasionally have cake and ice cream for dinner?
I just want to be me—alone for a while. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
For more insights into parenting and self-care, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those interested in exploring home insemination options, this blog post about at-home insemination kits offers useful information. Additionally, readers can explore advocacy for women’s reproductive choices here.
In summary, balancing family life while maintaining one’s identity can be a challenge, but it’s essential to carve out space for self-indulgence and personal time. Embracing our individual needs is not only okay but necessary for our well-being.