After months of preparation, endless encouragement, and numerous readings of those engaging lift-the-flap books that make amusing sounds, it seems my son might finally be on the right track. We’ve spent weeks navigating through the ups and downs of potty training, with a mix of rewards, tears, and more than $20 worth of little boy underwear finding their way into the trash instead of the laundry. After countless mishaps—both accidental and otherwise—I’m cautiously optimistic that we’ve finally grasped the idea of “urge = big boy chair.”
He now makes a beeline for the bathroom when he needs to go and follows the expected steps for independent toileting. However, our struggle lies in technique and follow-through. Think of the perfect free-throw form in a championship game where every second counts. Unfortunately, that’s not our reality. There’s no gooseneck, and let’s just say he’s not winning any games anytime soon.
“Better luck next time,” I often tell him, but it seems like every attempt results in an airball. “You’re benched for the season, kid. No offense, but you’re not doing so hot.”
My son is determined to emulate his dad’s “stand up routine,” which is adorable but impractical given his short stature and inability to stand on tiptoes for the necessary duration. It would be much simpler if he would just sit on the chair designed to keep his little manhood in check—a chair that cost me a whopping forty bucks. Now it sits unused beside the toilet, clean but sadly collecting dust, while the rest of the bathroom bears the marks of his less-than-aimed attempts.
As a mom, I admit I’m at a loss when it comes to teaching him aim. Let’s face it, women sit, and while things can get messy (especially after having several kids), we at least manage to contain the chaos. Standing to pee seems like the most ludicrous idea ever. It’s messy, and I’d much prefer if the guys in my life would just find a tree in the yard rather than make me dive into my stash of rubber gloves and disinfectant wipes yet again. “Sorry neighbors, but the cleanup is now your problem!”
We’ve explored various strategies, and I owe a big thanks to my husband for suggesting “target practice.” The idea is to toss something into the bowl and cheer him on: “Hit it!” It could be a piece of toilet paper, a marshmallow, or a Cheerio. “You got this, buddy!” But alas, he still struggles. It’s like a fire hose on full blast with no one to direct the flow. “The house is burning down, buddy! Redirect!” I’m not sure he’ll ever be a fireman. He might grow up to be a famous abstract artist, flinging paint with wild abandon, but a fireman? Probably not.
I’ll be proud of my son no matter what he chooses to pursue, as long as he doesn’t end up as one of those guys who forgets to lift the seat and clean up after himself. That would be a deal-breaker.
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In summary, potty training can be a messy and frustrating adventure filled with both triumphs and challenges. With creativity, patience, and perhaps a little humor, we can navigate this stage with our little ones, ensuring they grow up to be responsible and respectful individuals.