In today’s fast-paced world, many parents are discovering the benefits of outsourcing some of the more challenging aspects of child-rearing. From potty training to overcoming thumb-sucking, professionals are stepping in to help. This led me to ponder which parenting tasks I would choose to outsource. Here’s my list of contenders:
- Tying Shoelaces: Don’t let the “bunny ears” technique fool you; mastering this skill is far from easy. Just when you believe your child has it down, they end up tangled in the laces, and you find yourself back at square one. I even purchased a practice board, thinking it would help—only to realize it’s not a substitute for a real shoe! And trying to convince kids that their velcro sneakers are cool? By 6th grade, they’ll see through that ruse.
- Learning to Ride a Bike: No one warned me that I’d need to be in peak shape to teach a 5-year-old how to bike. As a long-time runner, I thought I was prepared, but nothing could brace me for the exhausting task of balancing a 40-pound child on a 25-pound bike while offering encouragement amidst their screams of “I CAN’T DO IT!” Now, when someone boasts about completing a triathlon, I simply say I taught two kids how to ride bikes—it usually leaves them speechless.
- Sex Education: Often, this gets outsourced to the local neighborhood kids. Recently, my 4th grader came home with a comprehensive “education” from her friends. While I was initially horrified, I quickly realized that I should review their findings. Most of it was accurate, except for the belly button part—trusting 11-year-olds for this kind of information? Not a good idea.
- Telling Time: With the prevalence of digital clocks, I sometimes wonder if analog time-telling is even relevant anymore. Yet, it’s still an essential skill. My attempts to teach my child went something like this: “8:00 is a quarter ‘til 11.” “Wait, isn’t a quarter worth 25?” “Yes, but in this case, it means 15 minutes.” Talk about confusing!
- Waiting in Lines: This is especially true at amusement parks. I can’t be the only one who realizes that the person dressed as a cartoon character is just a young adult in costume. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone stand in line while parents enjoy a drink at a nearby café instead?
- Using a Steak Knife: Teaching kids about knives seems risky. I often think it might be safer to let them eat with a fork like Fred Flintstone. Just kidding—sort of.
- Math Fact Review: It feels like I’ve been reviewing math facts for decades—yet we have only two kids! A typical session goes like this: “What’s 9 x 4?” “Um, 48?” “Close! It’s 36. Let’s keep going.” Just when they start to grasp it, I realize they need to learn the multiplication facts in reverse!
- Swimming Lessons: Trying to teach swimming can feel like an aquatic version of a dance. “Bend your arms, don’t forget to kick! Hold your breath!” But when their head is underwater, they can’t hear my instructions. It feels like a game of charades gone wrong!
As for driving, I’m grateful for Driver’s Ed, but I’m not ready to be the passenger while my teen navigates the open road. I’ll happily delegate this task to my spouse and wait for the day they can merge onto the highway without a hitch—just send me a picture when they do (but not while driving, of course).
While every achievement, big or small, during childhood is rewarding, I’m thankful I handled these tasks myself. Still, if only I could outsource the aches, the tired hands, and the occasional headaches that come with them! Well, I’ll keep my wine habit, thank you very much.
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Summary
Outsourcing parenting tasks can seem tempting, especially when it comes to complex duties such as teaching kids to ride bikes, tell time, or swim. While the challenges of parenting come with their share of frustrations, the rewards of guiding children through these milestones are invaluable.