Waking a tween boy for school can feel like an epic quest. Here’s a foolproof approach to tackle it with humor and patience.
- Five minutes before heading to his room, mentally prepare yourself for the adventure ahead.
- One minute out, down a hefty gulp of your second cup of coffee, centering your mind for the chaos that lies ahead.
- Stepping on some rogue Legos, stifle a scream so as not to disturb the entire neighborhood.
- Take a deep breath.
- Slowly open the door, trying to ignore the sight of yesterday’s neatly folded clothes now in a chaotic pile on the floor.
- Shake your head in disbelief at the odor that resembles a mix of old socks, Axe body spray, and something less than pleasant.
- Focus solely on your sweet child’s face, as a tween boy may be indulging in an “Al Bundy hand move.”
- Gently touch his arm and say, “Hey buddy, it’s time to wake up”—because it’s really the only place you can still use terms of endearment.
- Attempt to understand the strange sounds he makes, reminiscent of a caveman.
- Repeat step eight.
- Pull the covers off him.
- Quietly mutter that you never thought you’d be cursing a child for sleeping in.
- Repeat step eight.
- Remind him he’ll miss brushing his teeth if he doesn’t get up now.
- Remember that dental hygiene is likely the last thing on his mind.
- Tell him to rise and shine, making it clear you can’t return to his room.
- Head back to the kitchen, unload the dishwasher, and realize he’s still not up.
- Start again from steps one through nine.
- Answer his question about why he “has to go” for the umpteenth time this year.
- Mention that he’ll miss breakfast if he doesn’t get moving.
- Watch as he slowly inches out of bed.
- Smile, feeling a sense of victory, and leave the room.
- After 15 minutes of silence, revisit steps one through four.
- Gag momentarily, having forgotten about the odor that will greet you at his door.
- Find him still sitting on the floor, staring blankly at his closet like a pig staring at a clock.
- Beg him to just put on some clothes, knowing full well they won’t match.
- Nostalgically recall the days of Garanimals and Gymboree outfits.
- Snap back to reality with wrinkled clothes and half-brushed teeth (if you’re lucky).
- Caution him one last time.
- Leave the room, accepting that whatever he wears will have to do.
- Prepare his breakfast.
- Call for him quietly, careful not to wake his younger sibling who you’re hoping to keep asleep.
- Repeat step 32.
- Repeat step 32.
- Repeat step 32 until he finally appears.
- Greet him as he stumbles into the kitchen.
- Ask him five times to sit down and use his fork while eating.
- Suggest he might want to wear a shirt that doesn’t look like it was stored in a sandwich bag.
- Listen as he excitedly tells you about the eighth-grade cheerleaders who “keep hugging him.”
- Internally grumble about those girls and their mothers.
- Grab a broom, realizing he creates as much mess eating as he did in his booster seat.
- Remind him once more to brush his teeth.
- Pack the last of his books into his backpack, wondering why in the world he has rocks inside—yes, actual rocks.
- Ask him if he’s brushed his teeth yet.
- Put the lid on the juice he carelessly left out on the counter.
- Clean up the spill he made.
- Ask him again about his dental hygiene.
- Quiz him on the two study guide items he got wrong the night before.
- Tell him you’re quite certain he skipped brushing his teeth.
- Give him a brief lecture on why dental care matters and instruct him to head to the door.
- Remind him three more times about what he needs to take with him.
- Grab two of the items you told him to take and head toward the door.
- Look on the bright side; he still depends on you for something.
- Pat yourself on the back—he’s finally on the porch and ready to go! The tween boy has left the building!
In summary, while waking a tween boy for school can be a challenging task filled with humor and minor frustrations, patience and persistence will lead to success. For more parenting tips, check out our post on artificial insemination kits, and for insights on baby skin care, visit this resource. Additionally, for more information on pregnancy and home insemination, listen to this excellent podcast from Cleveland Clinic.