Tickling can be a delightful way to bond with your kids, but it’s essential to understand that it comes with potential risks. I was chatting with my friend Laura when her 9-month-old daughter Mia let out a series of loud squeals in the background.
“Ouch! Is Mia okay?” I asked, my concern evident.
“She’s not upset; she’s laughing!” Laura assured me. “Matt’s playing Tickle Monster with her.”
Alarm bells went off in my head. “Are you sure she’s enjoying that?” I probed, hesitantly.
“Yes, why?” she replied, sounding puzzled.
“Well,” I began cautiously, “laughter doesn’t always mean happiness…”
“Come on! Trust me, she loves it,” Laura insisted, before hanging up abruptly.
I regretted raising my concerns but felt compelled to voice them. Tickling a defenseless infant can be problematic.
Many parents, like Laura and Matt, often take their children’s giggles at face value. However, tickling produces similar physiological responses to fear, which can lead to laughter that masks discomfort. Richard Alexander, an evolutionary biologist, has pointed out that “ticklish laughter is not the happy phenomenon many have assumed it to be. A child can be transformed from laughter into tears with just a little too much pressure.”
Historically, tickling has been used as a form of torture because it inflicts pain without leaving marks. Ancient cultures employed it as a method of punishment, and even in recent history, it has been used in horrifying ways.
Despite its dark history, many today dismiss the potential downsides of tickling. I’ve heard numerous accounts from individuals reflecting on their childhood experiences:
- “I dreaded being tickled as a child; it felt like gasping for air while being suffocated.”
- “My mom would tickle me even when I said stop. It was frustrating; I wanted to enjoy the moment but felt powerless.”
- “I enjoyed being tickled up to a point, but some just wouldn’t stop, leading to panic attacks.”
It raises the question: do parents ignore their kids’ pleas to stop because they’re misled by laughter or because they choose to overlook it? Tickling has almost become a go-to method for parents to lift their kids’ spirits or connect with them.
I recall an instance when I was in a room with my daughter and her friends. They were focused on their art when one of the dads came in and started tickling his daughter. “Stop it!” she groaned. But he shrugged it off, thinking it was all in good fun.
Tickling can also be a tool for sexual predators, according to psychotherapist Melissa Carter, who explains that it can serve as a grooming tactic. Although not every adult who tickles has malicious intent, it can pave the way for more harmful actions if boundaries aren’t respected. Each time we heed a child’s “no” or recognize their discomfort, we instill in them the understanding that their bodies are their own.
As psychologist Alice Miller stated, “If children have been taught to have their world respected from the start, they will recognize disrespect later in life.”
So, should you avoid tickling your children altogether? Not necessarily. Many kids genuinely enjoy it, but it’s vital to approach it cautiously. Here are some guidelines to consider:
- Avoid tickling babies who can’t communicate. It’s better to err on the side of caution.
- Ask for permission before tickling. This allows for playful interaction while respecting boundaries.
- Establish a signal for “stop” if your child is too giggly to articulate their feelings.
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In summary, while tickling can be a joyful bonding experience, it is crucial to respect your child’s boundaries and understand their feelings. Implementing a few simple rules can help ensure that tickling remains a fun and safe activity.