Recently, I engaged in a conversation with a few parents whose seniors are preparing to head off to college this fall. We discussed the emotional challenges of the empty nest, the anxiety surrounding major selection, and the daunting costs of higher education. As my own child still has a few years before college, these discussions have been quite enlightening.
One parent shared that her teenager plans to enter college as an undecided major. Honestly, I found that hard to believe. When I reflect on my own 18-year-old self, I can’t fathom telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do… I’ll figure it out while enjoying my dorm life.” Thankfully, I was certain of my aspiration to become a nurse, which simplified my decision. I also recognized that my parents had two additional children to support through college. I was determined to complete my degree on time, understanding that my choices affected my family.
As I anticipate the emotional moment of dropping my son off at his dorm, I also recognize the significant financial commitment involved in funding his education. With our daughter also set to attend in a few years, the expenses add up. It’s a staggering thought—either we could buy a Tesla every year for eight years or invest in two college degrees. While I’d prefer the Teslas, as a responsible adult, I know education must come first.
My husband and I began saving for college as soon as our children were born. We decided early on that we would cover their higher education costs, just as our families supported us. Along with careful budgeting, we’ve also invested any monetary gifts received over the years, allowing their college funds to grow substantially.
However, there is a crucial condition attached to our financial support: our children must have a clear plan for their future before we invest in their education. I refuse to pay for my child to spend four years partying and exploring himself. My husband and I have worked too hard over the last 13 years to save, and I won’t let a wavering teenager squander that opportunity.
When I express these thoughts to friends, they often chuckle, pointing out that I sound like an overzealous father from a movie, meticulously planning his son’s future against the boy’s wishes. Yet, I’m not that parent; I won’t dictate a career path for my kids. Instead, I expect them to understand the value of the education I’m providing. While I’m willing to support them, they must be ready to make the most of that opportunity.
Many young people today are encouraged to “find themselves,” often without any accountability. This leniency has contributed to a generation that sometimes feels entitled. My children are not entitled to my financial support any more than I am entitled to choose their careers. It’s essential that we work together toward a meaningful education that prepares them for real-world challenges.
As college approaches for us, we will have ongoing discussions about their aspirations, preferred locations, and what brings them joy. We’ll visit college campuses and I’ll share my own college experiences with them.
I’ll try not to cry too much as we unpack in his tiny dorm room with a hefty price tag. And I promise, my tears will be from missing him, not from regretting my choice between a Tesla and his education.
In summary, while I’m committed to supporting my children’s education, I firmly believe they must have a defined direction before I invest in their college experience. This approach ensures that their education is purposeful, helping them to thrive in the real world.