Updated: Aug. 23, 2016
Originally Published: July 23, 2006
“Wow, they’ve grown so much!”
My partner, Jake, looked genuinely surprised, as if the change had happened overnight. His expression shifted from disbelief to seeking an explanation from me.
“I can’t even pinpoint when it happened.”
But I could. Like most significant shifts in life, this transition had been unfolding gradually over the years, even if neither of us wanted to acknowledge it. I had sensed it long before he did. In the quiet moments, whether folding laundry or tidying up, we often reflected on our little ones. I had witnessed their growth, while he seemed to just realize it now.
“I used to cradle them in one hand, those tiny creatures,” he sighed. “Are they really gone for good?”
“Don’t be so melodramatic.”
“Honestly, I miss those days.” His eyes held a hint of sadness, feeling hurt by my nonchalance.
“I’m sorry, but when they were that small, it was pretty overwhelming.”
It was the truth! Couldn’t we finally be honest about it? For some parents, the experience seemed seamless and natural. For me, it was always a challenge. Surviving each day with little ones was a test of patience, and I could admit that to Jake now.
“How can you say that?! They were so cute!”
“Cute to you, maybe, but they were all over me constantly!”
“I know you see it differently, but I long for those moments,” he said, gazing off into the distance.
“I’m sure you do, but they woke me up every night. Ugh.” I rolled my eyes.
“They woke me up too,” he replied with a hint of a smile.
“Let’s not even go there.”
“Do we need them in our lives to be happy? Was that the glue that held us together?” I wondered aloud.
“No, don’t be absurd. They just added a certain… spice to our lives back then.”
“Maybe for you. I can barely recall those tiny moments; it’s all a haze.”
“I remember everything.”
“Well, do you remember the costs?”
“Like they’re any cheaper now?” he retorted.
We locked gazes in silence, each trying to convince the other, and I felt myself wavering slightly.
“What if we started anew?” he suggested with a cheeky grin. “How about a whole new crew?”
I quickly regained my resolve. “Absolutely not!” I huffed. “Have you seen these stretch marks?” I sighed. “Those days are over. And if we’re being honest, I never really wanted the last two! It was a moment of weakness, just to make you happy — when I look at them, I feel nothing but regret!”
“Take that back!”
“I wish I could!”
He sat there, expressionless. Confused. Defeated. Was he appalled by my candor?
I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and softened my tone. “We can’t dwell in the past. We can only cherish the good memories.”
“Well, I do have photos,” he replied, a hint of frustration in his voice.
“Oh, come on — are you tearing up? Again?”
“No, but sometimes, when I see those pictures, it makes me want to cry.”
I took his hands and tried to help him understand. “Sure, it’s a significant adjustment for both of us, but I’m happier now, don’t you see?”
“Significant,” he repeated.
“Yes, I know, but it was time to move on from that.”
He stared at the laundry instead of meeting my gaze, like I was speaking to a wall.
“Anyway, I’m well past 40,” I reminded him.
“So what?! I know women older than that—”
I interrupted, “As a man, you might never grasp how I feel now — I’m done! And you weren’t the one caring for those little ones for years. It’s different now, and better. They hug me instead of just clinging to me all day. I’m comfortable with how things are now. I know you’re not, but I’m not sorry that I can finally breathe again. I feel… free!”
I could see him trying to smile, but he just didn’t seem to understand. I pressed on, “You’ve always had that freedom. I need your compassion and support, no matter what.”
He looked at me with an air of resignation, then picked up my oversized, beige granny panties from the laundry basket.
He wiped away a tear with them and sighed. “I guess it’s true what they say. They really are only little once.”
This article was originally published on July 23, 2006.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, Mia Rivers shares her complex feelings about motherhood and the bittersweet nature of watching children grow up. While her partner Jake longs for the days of tiny toddlers, Mia expresses relief at the freedom that comes with their growth, revealing the challenges of parenting and the importance of understanding and support in a relationship.