Parenting
What If I Stumble…Without My Father There to Support Me?
by Lila Anderson
Updated: Feb. 19, 2021
Originally Published: November 28, 2005
Africa Studio / Shutterstock
“I’m scared, Dad.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart.”
“But what if I stumble?”
“I’m here for you. I won’t let you fall.”
As a young girl, I was fiercely determined. Whenever I set my mind to something, I found a way to achieve it. One of my biggest aspirations was to ride my bike without training wheels. The thought of freedom on two wheels excited me, so I turned to my dad for help. Initially, he suggested more practice with the training wheels, but I unleashed my best “But Dad” gaze, knowing it would be hard for him to resist. Just hours later, I was racing down the street solo, wind whipping through my messy blond hair, shouting, “Dad, look! I’m doing it!”
Years passed…
“I’m scared, Dad.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart.”
“But what if I stumble?”
“I’ll catch you. You won’t fall.”
Every Sunday after church, we would head to the skating rink, stopping first for ice cream. He would always choose a scoop of French vanilla on a cake cone, while I opted for chocolate on a sugar cone. We shared laughs and stories while savoring our treats in the sweet, sugary air of our favorite shop. At the rink, my father glided effortlessly, and I longed to join him in couples skating. My fear of skating backwards held me back, so Dad took the time to teach me. By the end of the day, I was confidently gliding around the rink, imagining how I would finally agree to skate with Noah next Friday night.
Years later…
“I’m frightened, Dad.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart.”
“But what if I stumble?”
“I’ll support you. You won’t fall.”
On my wedding day, I stood in an exquisite ivory dress, hair perfectly styled, and makeup flawlessly done, hiding behind a spiral staircase, terrified to walk down the aisle. His reassuring presence brought me comfort; he held my shaking hand and assured me everything would be alright. “Take your time,” he advised, “Let everyone admire your beauty.” I chose not to carry flowers; it wasn’t my style. With one arm linked through his and my other hand gripping his, we walked proudly down the aisle. A few times, he gently reminded me to slow down, whispering, “Take it easy, sweetheart.”
He guided me through my fears. He was there during my losses, attending funerals by my side. When I experienced my first heartbreak, he wrapped his arms around me, allowing me to cry on his shoulder. Even as I grew older, he held my hand when crossing the street or navigating a busy mall. His hands, though not large, were strong and warm, a comforting reminder of home.
In the years that followed…
“I’m scared, Dad.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart.”
I could sense the tremor in his voice, the effort he made to be strong.
But reality struck hard. He couldn’t calm me this time. He couldn’t shield me from my fear—
Cancer.
Now, it was my turn to be the strong one.
But how could I? The thought of reaching out only to find his hand absent felt unbearable.
I’m scared, Dad.
What if I stumble?
What if I stumble?
What if I stumble?
This article was originally published on November 28, 2005.
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Summary
A daughter recalls her father’s unwavering support throughout her life, from mastering bike riding to her wedding day. As she faces her father’s battle with cancer, she grapples with fear and uncertainty about the future without his guidance, realizing that it’s now her turn to be strong.