This article is part of a series detailing a stay-at-home mom’s reflections on her youngest daughter’s senior year of high school and the college admissions journey. Alongside this experience, she contemplates her own transition into an empty nest and what lies ahead now that her primary role at home is concluding. You can catch up on the first, second, and third parts of the series.
Preparing for college involves a great deal of work—applications, recommendation letters, and standardized test scores are just the beginning. Yet, there’s also the emotional aspect that both parents and their children must face: the inevitable process of separation. Regardless of the current dynamics in your relationship—whether harmonious, occasionally tense, or filled with camaraderie—both you and your soon-to-be college student will need to navigate this separation, whether it’s something you embrace or dread.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting deeply on this concept of separation, especially as my youngest daughter and I approach this pivotal moment.
With my older daughter, the transition was relatively smooth. She has always been fiercely independent, seeking out sleepaway camps from a young age and spending her junior year of high school studying abroad. When she chose a college located five and a half hours away, I didn’t hesitate. She was ready to spread her wings. Since starting college, she has only returned home for a few holidays and one summer. I commend her independence. As she prepares to graduate this spring, I anticipate that she will move on to a new city for her next chapter. Although I don’t expect her to live at home again, we maintain a solid relationship, communicating regularly through calls and texts. She makes her own decisions and shares them with me later, which aligns with my goal as a parent: to raise self-sufficient and capable adults.
However, with my younger daughter, the act of separating feels more complex. It’s a journey filled with more emotion and contemplation. She arrived five days late and required gentle coaxing to join us in the world. This is the child who clung to night feedings until she was nearly a year old and resisted taking a bottle. Preschool was a challenge for her, and she ultimately opted out of sleepaway camp, preferring the comfort of her own bed. Even now, she relishes our nightly chats about her day, often seeking my guidance in decision-making—though I insist she will choose her college independently.
Recently, as she began her senior year, I found myself accustomed to receiving her text messages throughout the day. Yet, one day last week, I didn’t hear from her at all—not once during school or on the bus ride to her job. I didn’t see her until she returned home at 5:30 that evening.
I consciously refrained from texting or calling her that day, even though I was curious about how her new classes were going, her lunch companions, and any important “senior” information she may have received. This silence, I realize, is part of the necessary work of separation for both of us. A full day without communication is not just acceptable; it’s a milestone—a sign that she is preparing to forge her own path while I step back. This separation is essential for her growth into a confident, capable adult.
While the college applications, test scores, and recommendations are of utmost importance, don’t overlook the significance of this separation practice. It’s a crucial step for the future, and a reminder that this transition is as valuable as any other preparation for college.
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In summary, the journey through the senior year and the college admissions process is not solely about academic achievements; it also encompasses the emotional labor of letting go. Embracing this necessary separation will ultimately foster independence and growth for both parent and child.