My spouse has little to no interest in social media. He created a Facebook account simply because it seemed like the thing to do, yet he rarely checks it. He’s oblivious to Twitter and has no idea how Instagram functions. In stark contrast, I find myself quite absorbed in social media. I enjoy scrolling through Facebook to see what meals people are preparing and how their children are growing. I even find amusement in witnessing the occasional political debate unfold. Honestly, I might be a bit too into Facebook, but recent studies suggest that might not be entirely detrimental.
Research conducted by Dr. Henry Collins, a professor at a leading university, focused on the dynamics of 1,300 couples, their marital satisfaction, and their media consumption habits. The couples were asked a series of questions to gauge their relationship happiness—such as how often they argued and their thoughts on divorce likelihood. They also tracked the amount of time each participant spent on social media, watching television, and gaming.
The findings were telling: increased social media usage among men correlated with lower satisfaction in their marriages. Interestingly, women’s social media habits didn’t seem to impact their marital happiness significantly. This could be attributed to a couple of factors. For instance, men who feel unfulfilled in their marriages might turn to Facebook for social support, while men who spend excessive time online may frustrate their wives, leading to a decline in relationship quality. Conversely, women are often encouraged to maintain broader social circles and engage with them, which may excuse their time spent on Facebook.
Men’s high television consumption also linked to less satisfying marriages. Video game playing became problematic only when there was a significant imbalance in how much one partner played compared to the other, irrespective of gender.
This all makes sense: social media, especially with our smartphones, introduces a variety of distractions into relationships. If you’re busy scrolling through photos of an old acquaintance or engaging in prolonged conversations with virtual strangers, that time and energy could detract from your marriage. Sometimes, after my husband comes home from work late, I catch myself tempted to let him eat alone while I keep browsing the Internet. It’s alarming how challenging it can be to disconnect and focus solely on the conversation happening right in front of me.
Another habit I need to break for the sake of my marriage is “phubbing”—the act of ignoring my spouse in favor of my phone. I didn’t realize I was doing it until we were waiting for a concert to begin and I was fiddling with my phone, trying to post a picture. After several minutes, he gently reminded me, “Can you put your phone down? We’re on a date.”
This behavior has also been the subject of research. A study by a professor at a prominent university found that when one partner feels slighted for the sake of a phone, it breeds conflict.
Even in this digital age, the fundamental rules of intimacy persist. To foster closeness, it’s crucial to pay attention to the individual who is physically present with you. This is a personal goal of mine, effective immediately—right after I finish watching this Facebook drama unfold.
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In summary, while social media can enhance our connections, it may also pose challenges to our marriages. Striking a balance between online engagement and real-life relationships is key to maintaining a healthy partnership.