As my youngest daughter embarks on her senior year of high school, I find myself reflecting on the bittersweet journey ahead. This is the third entry in a yearlong series documenting the highs and lows of her final year and the college application process, alongside my own transformation as I prepare for an empty nest.
Three years ago, while my daughter was just starting high school, I watched a friend send her youngest child off to college. “What’s it like?” I would ask, a mix of envy and apprehension swirling within me. It felt surreal to think about a future where my daughter would leave home. At that moment, she was merely a teenager navigating her first year, and I still vividly remembered the challenges I faced with my older daughter during her high school years. The thought of my youngest reaching her senior year seemed impossible.
My friend often remarked, “It’s hard to believe, and it’s going to be strange.” For the first time in over two decades, she and her husband would enjoy their home alone, with all three children in college simultaneously.
In my emails, I began counting down the months and years until my daughter would leave for college. “Three years, 18 months,” I would type, then, “two years, 11 months.” I wasn’t trying to rush the time; rather, I was grappling with the reality that it was indeed approaching. High school felt like a battleground, and while I typed those numbers, I was subconsciously reminding myself of the inevitable.
Just yesterday, I baked a fresh batch of cookies for her. Baking is one of my greatest joys; it provides solace and comfort in my busy life. My daughter enjoys taking cookies to her job as a summer camp counselor, and we share them together at night, savoring a treat before sleep. As I mixed the red velvet batter—her current favorite—I realized that my days of baking for her are dwindling. What will it feel like when I’m no longer whipping up her favorite double-chocolate breakfast muffins or cookies twice a week?
Of course, I can still mail her cookies and muffins while she’s away at college. I envision sending boxes filled with treats, carefully labeled with her PO Box number, racing to the post office to ensure they arrive fresh. She’ll share them with her roommate and friends, regaling them with stories of her mom’s baking since childhood. She’ll undoubtedly be a hit with her delicious goodies—but it won’t be the same.
This last year of high school is a poignant reminder that things are changing. I’ve always found comfort in routine; I prefer knowing what’s coming next. My daughter’s senior year brings a wave of uncertainty, testing my very nature.
She has applied to 10 colleges—a balanced mix of target schools, reach schools, and safeties—and she insists she would be happy attending any of them. That’s the crux of it: happiness.
Next year, I might be shipping cookies across the country or just one state away. Or perhaps she’ll be close enough for me to deliver them in person. The not knowing is challenging for me, but I must learn to embrace that uncertainty, as it is a significant aspect of this senior year—for both her and me.
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In summary, as I navigate my daughter’s final year of high school, I’m reminded of the fleeting moments we share, particularly those spent in the kitchen baking together. The transition to college represents not just a change for her, but a significant evolution for me as well, prompting me to confront my fears and embrace a new chapter in life.