Recently, a humorous video titled “I’m Not Your Friend, Kid” went viral, featuring vlogger Sarah Adams. Her central argument is that parents should avoid being friends with their children, as it can undermine their authority. While I appreciated the comedic elements, I fundamentally disagree with this viewpoint.
I believe that it is indeed possible to cultivate a friendship with your child while still instilling discipline and boundaries. I may not be a parenting guru, but my ten years of experience have taught me one crucial thing: a strong, open relationship with my kids lays the groundwork for teaching them essential life skills. Without that bond, I struggle to connect with them or for them to grasp the lessons I wish to impart.
Understanding My Son’s Needs
Take my 9-year-old son, for instance. If left to his own devices, his socks would remain strewn across the kitchen floor indefinitely. I would have to remind him daily to clear his cereal bowl, or it would sit on the table, developing a science experiment of its own. His Pokémon cards would be in utter disarray, blocking his access to his own bed. He simply hasn’t yet realized that he can’t leave his belongings scattered everywhere — and that I won’t always be the one to tidy up after him. I recently decided it was time for a change.
Engaging in Conversation
How did I approach this? I won’t claim to be a flawless parent who can achieve compliance with a mere glare. Parenting is inherently chaotic, and there is no universal strategy that guarantees success for every family. However, when it came to encouraging my son to tidy up, the most effective strategy was engaging him in conversation.
I understand this might sound peculiar. While I’ve tried various tactics — yelling, withholding privileges, and even pleading — the best approach in this situation was to talk to him as I would a friend.
Timing was key. Engaging him during our hectic morning routine wouldn’t have worked. Instead, I chose to address the issue during our nightly “special talks,” a cherished ritual where we spend at least 15 minutes together, free from distractions. These moments foster a sense of equality between us, allowing us to share thoughts and feelings as two individuals who care for one another.
Building Responsibility
During one of these conversations, I explained how challenging it is for me to keep our home organized when he leaves a mess behind. I emphasized that now that he is 9 years old, it’s important for him to take responsibility for his belongings. To my surprise, he understood. He expressed a desire to be a good person and to learn cooperation.
While it’s not a flawless system, I’ve noticed a change. Now, when I ask him to pick up his socks from the kitchen floor, I no longer get blank stares or disgruntled expressions. Sometimes he’ll plead with me, saying, “Mom, I’m too tired. Could you just clean it up?” But when I respond, “Sorry, kid, I can’t,” he usually follows through and takes care of it.
The Importance of Trust
I want my children to cooperate and listen, but I don’t want them to do so out of fear or solely to please me. I want them to internalize the values I’m trying to instill, and that starts with building trust and open communication. This is why I feel it’s important to be their friend.
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Conclusion
In summary, being friends with your child can coexist with teaching them important life lessons. By fostering a close relationship built on trust and communication, you create a nurturing environment where children can learn responsibility and the value of cooperation.