Difficult decisions often arise in life, and sometimes the choices made may not be the best, even when intentions are good. This scenario unfolded for a server at a restaurant who was faced with the dilemma of either serving a woman she suspected was pregnant multiple alcoholic beverages or discreetly providing her with non-alcoholic versions of the drinks. Following the incident, the server turned to Reddit’s Am I The A—hole? forum to seek opinions on whether her actions were justified or if she had overstepped.
In her post, she described how a group of four women in their 20s were dining and ordering cocktails. “While returning to their booth with the drinks, I overheard one of them mention she was 14 weeks along,” she recounted. “When I returned, they were still discussing it, and it was apparent to me that she was pregnant. I thought one drink wouldn’t be a problem. They placed their food orders, and I attended to other tables.”
However, when the group requested a second round, the server began to feel uneasy. “This time, I asked the bartender to prepare one of the drinks as a virgin cocktail,” she explained. “He looked puzzled, but since he’s a good friend, I convinced him to trust me.” After a few drinks, the women departed, but the pregnant woman returned upon noticing the virgin drinks on her receipt, clearly upset. “She approached me and inquired about what ‘virgin’ meant on the bill,” she said. “I admitted it signified non-alcoholic. She stared at me blankly and asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic drink. I said no but justified my decision by saying I assumed she wanted it that way since she was pregnant. I realize now that was a poor excuse, but she demanded I return her tip, which I did. Then she spoke to my manager, who brought me into her office and scolded me until she was hoarse.”
The server now finds herself off the schedule and facing potential repercussions for discrimination, with her coworkers largely believing she acted wrongly. Nevertheless, her parents are supporting her, and she is contemplating quitting her job, convinced she did the right thing. This is indeed a complicated situation. The CDC states there is no safe level of alcohol consumption during pregnancy, yet some recent studies suggest that an occasional drink may not adversely affect the baby or mother, and societal norms are shifting toward accepting minimal drinking among pregnant women. However, binge drinking during pregnancy is generally not recommended by medical professionals.
Ethical Dilemmas and Assumptions
Is it the server’s place to dictate what a woman does with her body? And is it ever acceptable to serve someone a different drink than what they ordered without informing them? Commenters had strong opinions, noting that the server made assumptions about the woman’s condition. One person pointed out, “Being 14 weeks along doesn’t necessarily mean she’s pregnant; she could be referring to something else entirely.” Others echoed that without knowing the full context of the woman’s situation, the server’s assumptions could be misguided. A suggestion that arose was simply to inform the woman of her discomfort with serving alcohol instead of attempting to deceive her for her own good.
Additionally, a fellow server shared their experience, stating that when faced with a similar situation, they chose to involve the manager rather than confront the customer directly. This approach might have avoided the confrontation that ensued. Ultimately, some commenters remarked that the issue might reflect a broader societal tendency to control women’s choices when it comes to their bodies during pregnancy. One individual noted, “OB-Gyns advised me I could have an occasional drink while pregnant. Why assume you know better than a woman’s doctor?”
Further Reading
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In summary, the server faced a significant ethical dilemma when she believed a customer was pregnant and chose to serve her non-alcoholic drinks without her knowledge. This has led to considerable backlash and raises questions about assumptions regarding women’s health choices. The incident serves as a reminder of the complexities surrounding such situations and the importance of communication and respect for individual choices.