The world bombards us with negative messages about women. Here’s how you can help your child navigate these challenges.
by Jamie Davis Updated: Sep. 16, 2022 Originally Published: June 24, 2022
You might be thinking “Is my child a budding sexist?” and feel it’s an extreme concern, especially if they’re still quite young. After all, you might believe they care more about negotiating an extra cookie than understanding gender dynamics. But in a society filled with troubling narratives—from high-profile sexual assault cases to ongoing issues like domestic violence and the underrepresentation of women—it’s not unreasonable to be concerned. The media often reinforces the notion that men and women are vastly different and that women are not worthy of equal respect or attention. And our children, with their impressionable minds, absorb these messages far more than we might realize; for instance, a survey revealed that 37% of American boys in 4th grade think boys are smarter than girls.
I often share a personal anecdote about my son’s attachment to his pacifier. At three years old, he was deeply devoted to it, relying on it for comfort. One night, in a pinch, I had to offer him a pink pacifier instead of his usual glow-in-the-dark one. He hesitated, saying, “Those pacis are for girls.” That night, he chose to go without it rather than defy gender norms. This illustrates how pervasive these societal messages can be.
Instead of asking whether you’re raising a misogynist, consider this: “How can you counteract the sexist culture your child is exposed to?” While it may be a struggle (despite my efforts to tell my son that both boys and girls can do the same things), there are actionable steps you can take. Here are some suggestions:
- Avoid Gendered Language: Studies show that using gendered language in classrooms leads to increased adherence to stereotypes. At home, phrases like “smart boy” or “daring girl” can send the message that gender matters more than it should.
- Encourage Cross-Gender Friendships: Children who play predominantly with their own gender are more likely to adopt traditional stereotypes. Arrange playdates with kids of the opposite sex to demonstrate similarities rather than differences.
- Choose Gender-Neutral Toys: Research indicates that toys marketed towards boys often promote aggression and competitiveness, while those for girls focus on gentleness and appearance. Opt for toys that foster creativity, intelligence, and physical skills without gender bias.
- Challenge Stereotypes of Women: Be cautious not to present women solely as sweet or gentle characters. Studies show that “benevolent sexism” can coexist with negative views about women. Encourage your children to see women as complex individuals.
- Treat All Children Equally: Research indicates that parents often react differently to aggression based on gender, with boys receiving more tolerance. This can reinforce harmful stereotypes about aggression being a male trait.
- Discuss Sexism Openly: When you encounter gender stereotypes, seize the moment to discuss them with your child. If a stranger praises your son for helping while commenting on your daughter’s looks, ask why these perceptions exist.
- Avoid the “What’s the Big Deal?” Attitude: Dismissing gendered choices, like toys or clothing, can reinforce stereotypes. Children generalize information they observe, so be mindful of the messages they receive from their environment.
- Share Household Responsibilities: Demonstrating that chores and responsibilities are not limited to one gender helps instill the belief that everyone can contribute equally.
- Teach True Courage: Many mistakenly believe bravery is the absence of fear. Help your child understand that real bravery involves facing fears, and encourage them to acknowledge their emotions.
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In summary, it’s essential to actively counteract the societal messages that can influence your child’s perception of gender. By using inclusive language, encouraging diverse friendships, and engaging in open discussions about gender roles, you can foster an environment in which your child respects and values all individuals equally.