I’m perfectly fine going solo, and I don’t need a clique to validate that.
When it comes to book clubs, girls’ trips, bachelorette parties, and mommy meetups, the thought of receiving an invitation makes my heart race with anxiety. I try to sidestep these events whenever possible, and when I can’t, I find myself struggling to engage. It could be my anxiety, my introverted tendencies, or just a strong aversion to social group dynamics, but these gatherings leave my nerves in shambles. The anticipation is stressful, the actual event feels awkward, and the aftermath is downright draining. You might call me antisocial or claim I’m not a “girl’s girl,” but if you’re planning a ladies’ night, please don’t reserve a spot for me.
Before you label me as unsociable, let me explain. I cherish being a woman and wholeheartedly believe in the power of female empowerment. I adore my intimate conversations, leisurely walks, and dinners with my closest female friends and family. It’s the larger group activities that I dread. In these settings, I often morph into a version of myself that feels forced and exaggerated, just to fit in. It’s a side of me I don’t recognize in the moment, but later reflects back as uncomfortable and unsettling.
I’ve always favored deeper connections over a wide social circle—choosing to bond closely with a select few rather than mingling in a crowd. Even my closest friends don’t interact much with one another. There’s no squad or #girlgang; it’s just me and my favorite individuals, and that dynamic suits me perfectly.
Still, I sometimes wish I were different. Scrolling through my Instagram, I see groups of women engaging in adorable and exciting activities, and a part of me thinks, “That looks fun! I should try it!” But when I do, it never feels right. Despite my best efforts, I can’t seem to make those social situations comfortable, even with women I genuinely enjoy on an individual level.
It seems to stem from how group dynamics function. Personalities often become exaggerated, with everyone—including myself—trying to carve out a strange role within the group. My logical mind urges me to act naturally and contribute quietly when needed, but my socially anxious self takes over, compelling me to perform loud, sarcastic jokes for far too long. It’s utterly exhausting.
Even in casual, unplanned gatherings—like a group of moms at the park—conversations often turn competitive, with each mom striving to outdo the others with anecdotes or achievements. I can’t help but wonder why this doesn’t seem to trigger anxiety in others. Am I simply more aware of my surroundings, or do other women manage to tune out the competitive chatter? I wish I could.
So here I am, navigating motherhood in a world filled with social events I’d rather avoid. And that’s perfectly okay. I’m committed to nurturing my one-on-one relationships and leaving the group activities to those who thrive in them. I’m learning to stop feeling like an anomaly just because I don’t enjoy the same activities as those on my social media feed. Instead, I’ll embrace the fact that I know what makes me feel comfortable and fulfilled. Perhaps one day I’ll change my mind—though I doubt it.
Harper Lane is a former attorney and mother of four who has a penchant for swearing. She resides in Beverly, Massachusetts.
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Summary
In “Count Me Out of the Ladies’ Gatherings, Please,” Harper Lane shares her struggles with social events typically associated with women, such as book clubs and mommy meetups. Despite valuing close relationships and female empowerment, she prefers one-on-one interactions over group dynamics, which she finds overwhelming and exhausting. While she occasionally feels the urge to engage in these gatherings, she ultimately recognizes her comfort zone and chooses to focus on meaningful connections instead.