As an American raising four children aged 6 to 13 in Finland with their Finnish father, I can assure you that the Nordic lifestyle often appears idyllic. With headlines touting everything from low crime rates to gender equality, it’s easy to think that all of life’s challenges can be solved in the soothing heat of a sauna. And trust me, I appreciate the clean air, vibrant education system, universal healthcare, and the generally friendly and multilingual population. However, I must admit that the dedication to upholding these societal norms can sometimes feel a bit overbearing.
Allow me to explain. It seems that this overall success translates into an almost obsessive vigilance in everyday life. My husband operates under the belief that if we let even the smallest detail slide, it could lead to chaos. This has made our parenting journey a bit more challenging, as he insists on adhering to every possible standard—and then some.
Parenting Challenges
Take sippy cups, for example. Once our kids could hold a cup, my husband deemed them too old for one, regardless of the inevitable spills that would occur. I had to draw the line somewhere; with four kids in the mix, we compromised on plastic tumblers. To his credit, this perspective is rooted in reality, considering that Finnish children often navigate school lunches balancing ceramic plates and glass cups from a young age.
Additionally, there’s a strict societal expectation of maintaining composure in public. Any display of loudness or discontent is generally frowned upon, and I can’t help but roll my eyes at this. While I often wonder if my frustrations stem from my husband’s particularities or are more representative of Finnish culture, it’s clear that maintaining a calm demeanor is a shared societal norm. While it does contribute to public peace—eliminating concerns like road rage—it can feel stifling at times. My kids and I often joke, “Shh, your American is showing!” whenever someone gets too loud while out.
Safety Standards
At home, another surprising standard revolves around safety. My husband is more concerned about the effort it takes to lock the door than the minimal risk of an unwanted visitor. I, however, cannot bring myself to leave the door open when I’m home alone with the kids. Objectively, the crime rate in our area supports his viewpoint, but it can be exasperating to set aside a lifetime of caution for the sake of an overly relaxed attitude.
Gift-Giving Traditions
Lastly, while I support Finland’s push for sustainability, I find it frustrating how this affects gift-giving traditions. My husband believes that gifts can often be wasteful, leading to a collective approach for celebrating occasions like birthdays. In Finnish schools, children are celebrated uniformly, and bringing individual treats is almost nonexistent. This system avoids uncomfortable comparisons, but it can be disappointing for those of us who enjoy making someone’s day special. I learned the hard way that any end-of-year appreciation gifts are best given as a group, which can feel limiting when I want to express gratitude individually.
Yet, I still chuckle at the memory of my toddler handing a glittery shoebox of homemade valentines to a bewildered preschool teacher—just not too loudly, of course.
Further Reading
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In summary, while living in Finland comes with remarkable benefits and an enviable lifestyle, there are certainly nuances and expectations that can be somewhat annoying. The balance between adhering to societal norms and individual preferences can create challenges for anyone, particularly for those of us from different cultural backgrounds.