There I was, a proud single mom, fully embracing my new identity. I didn’t need a man in my life, but I was open to the idea of having one. I understood that dating would demand vulnerability and courage, but I was willing to take the leap to discover if someone special could enhance my life and share my dreams and adventures with my little ones. I sought someone who could appreciate my nurturing Enneagram 2 nature and recognize my worth.
The thought of dating felt overwhelming, compounded by the challenges that every single mom faces, amplified by the brutal reality of app-based dating culture. In this world, even the most sought-after individuals can vanish after just a few exchanges. Acknowledging my role as a mom was the first step; the second was realizing that dating would require persistence and grit.
Having spent over a decade married to a dedicated academic, I followed him around the country for much of that time. He was intelligent, engaging, and not a bad person, but he often prioritized his career over our relationship and family. I found myself sacrificing my own needs to make him happy, which ultimately led to the dissolution of our marriage after countless counseling sessions. Divorce wasn’t my initial desire, but it turned out to be the healthiest decision for me. In the years that followed, I discovered who I was apart from my ex, embracing my role as a mother and pursuing personal goals, including advocacy and writing (hello, Home Insemination Kit!). I was ready for the next chapter—let’s call it Lila 2.0.
Living in a vibrant downtown area felt essential for my healing process post-divorce. I found a chic place with a heated pool, a large hot tub, and stunning mountain views. Many hours were spent on that rooftop, often accompanied by my kids. It was here I made two surprising discoveries about myself: First, I apparently fit the “MILF” stereotype. Second, I was right about my kids being incredibly adorable. Over a couple of months, I was asked out multiple times in a similar manner involving playful banter with my children, followed by charming smiles and the inevitable, “Can I take you out sometime?”
I accepted a date from one of them, which led to a pleasant evening filled with good conversation. However, I soon realized we shared similar divorce stories, and I wasn’t willing to risk repeating past mistakes. I kindly declined a second date.
Next came Hinge, the online dating app that introduced me to some bizarre experiences. As a speech-language pathologist and active autism advocate, I was thrilled when I connected with a man who adored his 4-year-old autistic daughter. However, my excitement turned to laughter when he sent me a rather inappropriate video. I politely informed him we weren’t a match.
Then I met Jack, a rugged mountain man who lived for adventure. He was charming, had a kind heart, and embodied the outdoorsy spirit I craved. But as I became infatuated with his lifestyle, I realized his lack of communication left me feeling anxious. Days would pass without a word, and I found myself constantly checking my phone, which was not the best version of myself. Ultimately, I recognized I needed someone who could match my communication style in order to feel secure.
After several more Hinge encounters, including more unsolicited photos, I met a captivating gentleman named Jared. He was older, well-traveled, and a father to a neurodivergent son—something that immediately earned him points. Our conversations flowed effortlessly, and he even complimented my adorable “photo-bombing” child.
Over two weeks, we exchanged lengthy messages reminiscent of a romantic comedy. The highlight was when he expressed excitement about meeting my kids. We began dating seriously, exploring the mountains of Utah, enjoying local cuisine, and sharing cozy nights on the couch. Together, we’re committed to fostering a more inclusive world for neurodivergent individuals while nurturing our respective families. Laughter fills our lives, and we cherish the balance between our individual selves and our growing relationship. It’s been a fulfilling experience, and I’m grateful for this new chapter.
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Summary:
In her journey as a newly single mom, Lila embraces her identity while navigating the challenges of dating in a modern world. From humorous encounters to meaningful connections, her experiences highlight the importance of understanding oneself and finding a partner who aligns with her values, especially as a parent. Emphasizing open communication and shared goals, Lila’s story illustrates the joys and complexities of dating while raising children.