Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Getting married is already a top priority for my 5-year-old. Since starting school and befriending her best friend, Lily, our home has turned into a romantic comedy, with my daughter often declaring her desire to marry Lily and daydreaming about their future together.
So, when my mother casually asked my daughter about her dreams for the future, I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. I held my breath, wondering what my daughter might say.
“Lily will be my wife,” she declared, eager to talk about her love. “And she’ll have a job that brings home the shiniest money. Gold and silver.”
I glanced at my mom, who, while never being homophobic, had grown up in a time when discussing LGBTQ+ topics was rare. I worried she might react with confusion or disapproval, potentially planting the idea in my daughter’s mind that being queer is something to hide. I was desperate to change the subject before any disappointment flickered in my daughter’s eyes—an all-too-familiar feeling for me.
Fortunately, my mom smoothly responded, “Oh, and what will you do?” My daughter replied, “Every day will be my day off.”
That wasn’t a response I ever expected from my own childhood experience. Back then, I was aware of my attraction to girls but was never given the space to explore it openly. I remember being reprimanded for kissing a friend, which led to a vow to never act on my feelings again.
By the time I was in elementary school in the mid-’90s, phrases like “that’s so gay” were commonplace, and LGBTQ+ representation was often the punchline of jokes. While my parents were accepting of LGBTQ+ people, the topic was rarely discussed, likely due to their fears of the challenges I might face if I identified as queer.
Now, as a parent, I’ve embraced the opportunity to raise my daughter in a world free from homophobia. I aim to show her that being queer is as valid as being straight. I want her to learn about the LGBTQ+ community’s struggles while also celebrating its history. I love watching her navigate life, blissfully unaware of negative opinions about queer people.
One day, I brought home “Prince and Knight,” a children’s book about a prince who falls in love with a knight. To her, it was simply a story about love; to me, it was a revelation—something I wish I had seen as a child.
Do I sometimes go overboard with my LGBTQ+ pride messaging? Absolutely. “These two men ARE MARRIED! Do you understand? That’s beautiful!” I often say, sometimes to her disinterest.
When my daughter was 3, I explained, “Some families have two mommies, and some have two daddies,” and she effortlessly completed my thought: “And some families have two Jamie’s!”
Now, she eagerly absorbs all the details I share about diverse identities, even reminding me when I forget to include non-binary identities. I cherish her questions about gender and relationships, like whether a boy can wear a dress or if a queen can marry another queen, always tying it back to her romantic dreams.
However, I know this idyllic period won’t last forever. Eventually, she will encounter the harsh realities of the world and realize that most couples around her are straight. It’s inevitable that she will hear negative remarks about LGBTQ+ individuals.
Until then, I want to create a space for her free from shame and fear, regardless of how she ultimately identifies. She will have the freedom to explore her identity on her terms.
For more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this blog post or visit Intracervical Insemination for expert insights. Additionally, the World Health Organization provides valuable information on pregnancy.