Listen Up
Ever felt like your body was suddenly ablaze under an infernal heat lamp, yet you’re “too young” for hot flashes? If that resonates with you, read on.
By Sarah Thompson
Updated: February 20, 2024
Originally Published: May 6, 2022
It struck me one evening as I animatedly discussed a recent family drama with my partner. I was venting about a particularly annoying relative, and suddenly I felt an intense heat radiating from within, convinced it was just my emotions getting the better of me. For a brief moment, I thought it was akin to stepping out of a hot shower or feeling the warmth of a few too many drinks. However, the heat in my chest, neck, and face escalated until I felt like I was “sprawled out in the Gobi Desert,” as my former mother-in-law used to say during her hot flashes. I stepped outside, heart racing, to cool off and later caught myself on camera: panting, bewildered, and utterly perplexed.
With my 40th birthday just weeks away, I was under the impression that I had at least a decade before facing anything like this — despite knowing that perimenopause can kick in as early as the mid-thirties. I thought it meant occasional irregular periods or minor hormonal fluctuations, not spontaneous combustion on my porch. Apparently, I’m not alone in my lack of awareness about this transitional phase before menopause. A 2021 study revealed that nearly half of women globally are either misinformed or unaware of perimenopause: 44% had no idea what it was until they experienced it; 46% were caught off guard when it began; 34% didn’t know there are two phases of menopause; and 46% felt unprepared for menopause. Why should they know, though? Compare what you learned about your first period with what you know about your last — it’s a significant discrepancy.
Cultural taboos surrounding women’s bodies, particularly as they age, contribute to this lack of knowledge. It’s crucial to note that fluctuations in estrogen levels can also impact trans men and non-binary individuals.
Symptoms of Perimenopause
Curious about what others are experiencing, I reached out to friends and was surprised to discover a wide array of symptoms — and that many had never thought to discuss them. One friend, who is older, has been dealing with hot flashes for years, while another, also older, has experienced none at all. A friend just a week older than me laughed when I broached the topic, finding it absurd that we should be contemplating these changes yet.
However, we should be having these conversations; another friend of a friend my age suffers from severe night sweats, while another is haunted by late-onset migraines. One hasn’t slept well in months, and another shared she has “a wiry hair growing under my chin” that she finds herself plucking constantly. I chuckled at this, only to realize I had also been battling some unexpectedly aggressive throat hairs and chronic headaches. I even asked my doctor last summer why no deodorant seemed effective anymore. It appears perimenopause has been sneaking around my life for some time — I just didn’t connect the dots. (By the way, CertainDri works wonders.)
Seeking out more objective information proved frustrating. Many resources offered bland, unhelpful summaries. Take the Cleveland Clinic’s description, which states that “perimenopause simply describes the time when your cycles are no longer predictable.” Really? It’s just that? Some people endure debilitating symptoms that extend far beyond mere hot flashes, dry vaginas, or light spotting. Severe depression, anxiety, and rage can manifest. A woman quoted in a 2021 New York Times article described experiencing brain fog so severe she feared early-onset Alzheimer’s.
Here’s a list of symptoms you might not have heard about, even if you’re in the target demographic and attend regular well-woman exams:
- Chronic heartburn
- Vaginal bleeding during or after sex
- Anal bleeding
- Persistent dry eye
- Incontinence
- Nausea
- Chills
- Dry skin
- Hair loss
- Burning Mouth Syndrome (a condition where the tongue, lips, or palate feel scalded, often accompanied by a metallic taste and chronic dryness)
But these aren’t the only symptoms you might encounter during this transitional phase. Many women experience unusual changes such as:
- Body odor
- Tinnitus
- Fatigue
- Breast tenderness
- Burning tongue
- Dental issues/gum disease
Perimenopause Treatment
The takeaway is clear: we need to discuss these topics much more openly. Remaining in the dark about potential bodily changes and treatment options — which 73% of women reportedly do not pursue — isn’t acceptable. But who should we confide in? Doctors seem like the logical choice, yet many appear just as uninformed. A survey of medical residents specializing in various fields revealed that only 7% felt equipped to assist with menopausal symptoms, and 20% had received no education about menopause.
There are certainly knowledgeable healthcare providers who can help once symptoms arise, but they might be scarce. The North American Menopause Society’s practitioner portal is a good starting point. When you locate a trustworthy doctor, inquire whether your experiences relate to perimenopause or if they stem from something else. Reduced libido, mood swings, and insomnia can all arise from various sources, not just hormonal changes. Discuss potential treatments, including hormone therapy, vaginal estrogen, or even off-label uses of medications like gabapentin, which is typically used for seizures but can also alleviate hot flashes.
Perimenopause Support
Ultimately, we all need to engage in more open dialogue. Support groups exist for those wanting to connect. Remember Peanut, the app designed to help moms make friends? Last fall, they introduced a menopause group. Additionally, there are helpful subreddits, such as r/Menopause or r/AskWomenOver30, where discussions about perimenopause reveal many experiences starting as early as the thirties.
This conversation shouldn’t be limited to online forums. Instead of suffering in silence because symptoms are deemed “taboo,” it’s time to speak out. Let your colleagues know why you’re sweating profusely in a meeting. Share your favorite lube brands with friends. Break the silence often found between generations — only 9% of women discuss menopause symptoms with their mothers — and educate your daughters about what lies ahead.
The more we communicate, the less shocking our first experiences in the “Gobi Desert” will be, and the better prepared we’ll be to navigate the changes that await.
For further insights, you can also read our related blog post here. Additionally, for expert advice on this topic, check out intracervicalinsemination.com. If you’re looking for a solid resource on pregnancy and home insemination, Healthline is an excellent option.
Summary: Perimenopause can begin in your thirties, yet many remain unaware of its symptoms and implications. Discussing these changes openly, both with friends and healthcare providers, is crucial. Support and resources are available to help navigate this transition.
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