When my children were little, I became captivated by a reality show called Supernanny. It featured Jo Frost, a no-nonsense British expert who would step into the homes of overwhelmed parents to help them manage their unruly kids. After putting my kids to bed, I would sit on the couch, mentally absorbing her advice. With three kids in just three years and a husband who was often away for work, I was desperate for guidance.
One particular episode resonated with me: it showcased a mother of three feeling utterly overwhelmed. The kids refused to listen and Frost admonished against any form of negotiation, suggesting that bribery was a slippery slope. A few days later, I found myself in a similar predicament at the doctor’s office. My husband, after struggling to contain our oldest, offered him a lollipop for getting on the elevator. I instinctively shouted, “Don’t negotiate with him!” My husband shot me a confused look as I realized I had unwittingly changed our parenting approach without a word.
However, when my son hopped on the elevator and cooperated, he quickly reminded us about that promised lollipop afterward. I reluctantly gave it to him and felt defeated. I feared that I was paving the way for manipulative behavior, just as Supernanny warned. Despite my efforts to avoid bribery—threatening to withhold dessert or stories—things often spiraled out of control. Kids can be so caught up in the moment that they willingly forgo treats for a moment of fun.
Eventually, I set aside my pride and embraced bribery because I was simply exhausted. And you know what? It worked. My kids were far more likely to listen when they had a reward to anticipate. Creating positive incentives proved to be much more effective than the threat of punishment.
I began using bribery in various situations: during long car rides, library visits, and when hosting guests. I offered extra screen time, treats, and even sleepovers in my room. It was incredibly effective, and life with three toddlers became far more manageable. If they didn’t hold up their end of the deal, I would take away the incentive, and they quickly learned I meant business. While I could almost hear Supernanny’s disapproval, I stopped caring—she wasn’t the one living my life.
Now that my kids are teenagers, I still apply my trusty bribery tactics. I promise my daughter a café treat for grocery shopping with me, and I offer my son cash for helping with chores like cleaning the car. I even reward them for good grades. As a parent, bribery has become my ally. It worked wonders when they were young, and it continues to do so now that they’re older. After all, we all deserve a little reward for tackling tough tasks.
For instance, I indulge in a Coke Zero after a challenging workout, and it motivates me to tackle chores like scrubbing the bathrooms. Take it from someone who has tried to avoid bribery: just lean into it. Your life will thank you.
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