A Positive Approach to Parenting
Understanding High Congruence
Ways to Foster This Valuable Trait
Hint: Children with high congruence tend to be happier.
By Jenna Rivers
Updated: April 25, 2022
Originally Published: March 28, 2022
Have you ever met someone who radiates authenticity and seems to be living their best life? As parents, we naturally want our kids to experience that same sense of fulfillment. But how do we help them achieve this, and what exactly does it mean to be “congruent”? High congruence refers to a state where a person’s self-perception aligns closely with their actions and values. In simpler terms, a child with high congruence is in touch with their true self and pursues what genuinely matters to them, contributing to their overall happiness.
The concept of congruence traces back to the influential thoughts of humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers. He proposed that self-concept comprises two parts: the ideal self—the person you aspire to be—and the real self—the person you actually are. Congruence occurs when these two selves align. In contrast, incongruence arises when there’s a gap between them. High congruence means your child is living in harmony with their values and beliefs, leading to greater happiness and positivity.
So, how can parents nurture this essential trait in their children? Here are some practical steps to consider:
- Show Unconditional Love: Children thrive in environments where they feel valued without needing to earn that value. Rogers highlighted that when kids grow up in a nurturing setting, they are more likely to merge their real and ideal selves, fostering high congruence.
- Encourage Exploration: If your child shows interest in certain activities, such as music or animals, support them in pursuing these passions—even if they differ from your own interests. Let them dive into what excites them and maintain a journal to jot down their inspirations and aspirations.
- Help Craft a Mission Statement: Assist your child in defining how they wish to impact the world and what matters most to them. Crafting a personal mission statement can clarify their values and strengthen their self-awareness.
- Emphasize Ownership of Mistakes: Teaching your child to acknowledge their errors fosters resilience and self-reflection. It’s crucial for them to understand that mistakes are learning opportunities rather than sources of shame.
- Clarify Consequences: Help your child understand that their actions have impacts, whether positive or negative. For instance, if they neglect personal hygiene, they might miss out on treats. Instead of resorting to punishment, engage them in a constructive conversation about their choices.
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In summary, helping your child achieve high congruence involves providing them with unconditional love, encouraging their interests, helping them articulate their values, and guiding them through their mistakes. By fostering an environment of authenticity and self-discovery, you empower your child to navigate life with confidence and joy.
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