As a mother living with an autoimmune condition, the concept of a “normal day” feels like a distant dream. Despite your best efforts to create detailed to-do lists, life often requires you to adapt on the fly. The moment you wake up to a flare-up, you realize that your plans may need to change.
Imagine waking up to stiff joints, painful hands and feet, or a sudden bout of IBS that keeps you close to the bathroom. Perhaps your adrenal glands are throwing off your balance, leaving you feeling dizzy and unsteady. The hopes of a fun day at the park or the climbing gym vanish as you have to break the news to your eager child that today just won’t work. You see their excitement fade, replaced by frustration as they exclaim, “I hate your autoimmune disease!” You hold back tears, struggling to explain that this isn’t a choice you make, but they’re too young to grasp the complexities of your condition. Guilt and shame quickly follow; you feel like a mom who disappoints her child, the one who cancels plans and reshuffles commitments instead of being the adventurous parent you envisioned.
As the inner critic pipes up, you hear the familiar accusations: “You need to push yourself harder!” “Have you tried a celery juice cleanse?” “I have an autoimmune condition, and I don’t let it stop me!” “Are you sure it’s not all in your head?” “You don’t look sick!” “When I was a mom, I never had ‘sick days’!” Sometimes, these voices overpower you, prompting you to “tough it out,” only to regret it later when a brief setback turns into a prolonged flare.
Over time, you learn the importance of self-compassion and patience. You become skilled at recognizing the signs of an impending flare-up, allowing you to slow down and care for your needs. Prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical health becomes essential. You find a gym with childcare, adopt an anti-inflammatory diet, and seek therapy with a professional who understands the dual challenges of motherhood and chronic illness. You carve out time for bi-weekly dinners with friends, nurturing your emotional well-being.
Though guilt and shame may occasionally resurface, you refuse to let them dictate your feelings. You reclaim your narrative, choosing rest without feeling overwhelmed by guilt. Your autoimmune disease may be an uninvited partner in your life, but you’ve learned to live alongside it, accepting the changes it brings.
As your child grows, they develop greater empathy and understanding. They no longer resent your condition but recognize its impact. Because of this experience, they learn that everyone faces struggles, many of which remain unseen. Your child carries compassion that many adults have yet to acquire, witnessing your courageous journey toward self-acceptance. What a profound lesson for them to learn from you.
Further Reading
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In summary, navigating motherhood with an autoimmune disease is a unique challenge filled with unexpected twists and turns. While the path may be fraught with guilt and frustration, it also offers opportunities for growth, understanding, and deepening connections with your child.