I don’t want any father-to-be to endure the feelings I faced in that delivery room or suffer the ongoing pain my partner and I carry.
The births of my children have profoundly influenced my advocacy. The doula playbook I created for my daughter’s birth has now transformed into a program called “Dads to Doulas.” While I hope such training won’t be necessary in the future, it is crucial for now.
Content warning: The following recounts experiences with miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.
It was just days before Christmas in 2017 when my partner began experiencing contractions with our twin babies. We rushed to the hospital, filled with excitement at the prospect of becoming first-time parents. However, the events that unfolded next remain too traumatic to fully articulate. Our first baby boy was stillborn. Although doctors managed to save the second baby initially, we tragically lost him just a week later.
Experiencing the stillbirth of a child is the hardest ordeal any expectant parent can face. There is no way to prepare for such a devastating loss. Even before our experience, I felt unprepared. I had only attended one prenatal appointment and was alarmingly unaware of the realities surrounding maternal and infant loss — including the alarming statistics on the prevalence of these tragedies.
As I reflect on my experiences, I realize the importance of support for fathers during these challenging times. That’s why I’m passionate about offering doula training specifically for Black dads. I want to ensure that no father feels isolated or uninformed when it comes to the birthing process and the emotional complexities that can arise.
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In summary, my mission to provide doula training for Black dads stems from a personal journey marked by loss and a desire to support others facing similar challenges.