Should You and Your Partner Sleep in Different Beds? What Research Reveals Today
A significant number of couples, about one in four, choose to sleep apart. Is it time for you to consider this option?
By Jamie Collins
Updated: February 20, 2024
Originally Published: March 17, 2022
Remember those rare glimpses into the bedroom of Lucy and Ricky on I Love Lucy? If you’re like most viewers, you likely focused on their perfectly arranged twin beds, side by side like those of siblings. It made one wonder how their son, Little Ricky, came to be. Did they alternate beds for intimacy, or did they push the beds together? If so, did anyone ever fall through the gap?
While Lucy and Ricky’s twin beds were a nod to the censors of the 1950s, the concept of separate sleeping arrangements has been quietly present in many relationships — and it’s more common than you might think. A 2004 survey by the National Sleep Foundation indicated that 23% of couples sleep separately. More recent data from a 2014 FiveThirtyEight.com survey revealed that about 13.6% of couples sleep apart each night, with another 4.3% doing so occasionally. Unlike the Lucy and Ricky scenario, most of these couples now opt for separate rooms. If we apply these statistics to the entire married population in the U.S., roughly eight million couples are enjoying solitary slumber.
So, what drives this trend? If so many couples choose to sleep apart and are satisfied with it, should you consider it too?
There are various reasons couples might struggle to sleep together, including different temperature preferences or one partner’s tendency to toss and turn. However, the most common reason cited for separate sleeping arrangements is snoring, with 45.6% of couples indicating this as their primary issue. Dr. Olivia Reid, a sleep expert and Medical Director at the Sleep Wellness Institute, explains, “When couples have differing sleep habits in terms of timing or comfort, creating a dedicated sleep environment for each can be a wise choice.”
Despite this, many couples fear that sleeping separately signifies a decline in intimacy or a romantic failure. Experts assert that these concerns are psychological rather than scientifically based. In a TED blog post, sleep specialist Dr. Miranda Lee notes, “The societal pressure around sharing a bed is largely a construct, not grounded in science.” Interestingly, data suggests that sharing a bed can lead to poorer sleep quality. Yet, we often prioritize closeness over the quality of our rest, which can be detrimental to relationships. Research indicates that lack of sleep can negatively affect relationship dynamics, while improved sleep can enhance communication and overall positivity within the partnership. Dr. Reid remarks, “If one partner isn’t getting enough sleep, it affects both individuals. A tired partner is often irritable and moody, impacting their well-rested counterpart.”
Testimonials from couples who sleep separately often reveal increased happiness and intimacy. Last fall, a survey conducted by Buzzfeed found that partners who don’t share a bed reported improved closeness. One respondent said, “We’re closer than ever and happier,” while another noted, “Intimacy isn’t an issue at all; we’re both better people after a good night’s sleep.” Dr. Reid emphasizes that a more significant intimacy barrier than separate sleeping arrangements is chronic exhaustion: “A fatigued partner is less likely to be interested in intimacy.”
One insightful respondent from the Buzzfeed survey highlighted that what matters most is how partners connect during the day, not how they sleep at night. She stated, “Do what feels comfortable, and if it seems to create distance, consider how you spend your time together when awake.” Dr. Reid concluded, “Quality sleep is essential for life and relationships. Poor sleep correlates with relationship strife. Better sleep leads to a better quality of life and a stronger partnership.”
For more insights on enhancing your relationship, check out this other blog post, here. You can also learn from experts on this topic and explore excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, the choice to sleep separately can have a positive impact on many couples’ happiness and intimacy. While societal norms may suggest that sharing a bed is essential, the reality is that restful sleep is crucial for a thriving relationship. Couples who find comfort in separate sleeping arrangements may actually enhance their emotional connection and overall well-being.