Empowerment: The Unexpected Milestone
What I discovered when I stopped worrying about others’ opinions.
Written by Jamie Carter
March 8, 2022
A New Chapter
As a mother for over fifteen years, I’ve experienced the typical milestones: finally enjoying a sleep-in, mastering the art of solitary bathroom visits, and being referred to as “Dude.” Yet, I recently reached a milestone in motherhood that I never anticipated.
I can’t exactly recall when I resolved to stop dyeing my hair to conceal the grays that began appearing after my youngest was born. It likely happened somewhere between juggling meal plans for a family with varying dietary preferences and trying to determine whether my child, who claimed to be too ill for school, was genuinely unwell or merely exercising their pandemic privilege.
Amidst the chaos of parenting during a global crisis, who has time to color their hair? More importantly, why should we squander precious moments of solitude striving to appear younger? As the emotional backbone for my family, mending the cracks in our society’s flawed systems while sacrificing my own career aspirations, I was also expected to maintain a polished appearance. Well, that wasn’t happening.
That realization led me from “I’ll gradually let my grays show” to grabbing clippers and shaving my head on New Year’s Eve. I not only wanted a fresh start—embracing my gray from the outset—but also to reject societal pressures dictating that women must look youthful while managing their families.
Let’s be real: my desire to shave my head wasn’t solely about challenging gender norms. I had secretly daydreamed about it for years, pondering what I would look like (probably like a mole, I thought for ages—but in reality, I looked just like me, with a fierce post-apocalyptic vibe). I wondered how it would feel to run my fingers over my newly shaved scalp (it was as euphoric as I had imagined), and how liberating it would be to step out of the shower with no fuss, like men often do (the freedom was indescribable). Shaving my head became a bucket list item, and I realized I shouldn’t let fear of not conforming to traditional beauty standards hold me back.
So, I did it. Bzzz.
As clumps of hair fell into the sink, so did the notion that I had to meet someone else’s standard of attractiveness to be valued. It was astonishing to realize how much weight my hair had carried. Staring at my reflection, I felt a rush of empowerment, running my hand over my stubbled head, experiencing something entirely new. Solo experiences are rare amidst the daily grind of parenting, so I indulged in the moment, taking pleasure in the sensation of my own head.
In the following days, I battled the urge to overdo my makeup and accessories, striving to present a more palatable version of myself to the world. A woman with a shaved head often faces a barrage of stereotypes, so during that first week, I reached for mascara and silver hoops, trying to signal that I was far from a “red flag” (which, ironically, itself is a red flag). I was still uneasy in my new skin, receiving curious gazes and apologies from people who brushed past me. I suspected they were misjudging me as a cancer patient, a lesbian, or perhaps a punk rocker—whatever that even means today. But truly, I was just a mother tired of the self-sacrificing version of motherhood that felt too constrictive.
Did I mention I was also exhausted and preferred to use my “free” time for napping rather than styling my hair? I sought to simplify my life, to start anew, and to see a fresh version of myself as I navigated this next phase of life. There was nothing wrong with that; everything felt right. Eventually, I ditched the mascara and earrings and embraced my unfiltered self. When my traditional, 80-year-old mother saw me for the first time via video call, her jaw dropped, and she exclaimed, “You’re beautiful!” It surprised both of us.
I’m uncertain about my future hairstyle choices. Perhaps this is just a detour to a pixie cut. Who knows if I’ll stop here or grow my hair back out? However, being a woman with a shaved head has seeped into my mindset; when faced with tough decisions, I often ask myself, “What would a woman with a shaved head do?” It empowers me to make bolder choices and set healthier boundaries, like when a man stood too close to me in line at a store—I simply told him to step back. No apologies needed.
Looking back, shaving my head was a true act of self-care—not the superficial kind that encourages mothers to care for themselves just enough to avoid real change, but rather the kind that dismantles toxic norms and reclaims what’s rightfully ours as women and mothers.
To any mom reading this and thinking, “I wish I could shave my head,” know this: you absolutely can. And if you feel you can’t, take a moment to reflect on why not. What barriers are holding you back?
I recently went on a weekend trip, and for the first time since childhood, I didn’t pack a blow dryer, curling iron, or straightener. My load was lightened—quite literally.
Jamie Carter is a mother, author, and podcaster. Her writing has been featured in various media outlets, and she has spent over a decade as a doula and childbirth educator, guiding women through the transition into motherhood. She currently resides in Southern California, where her love language is dark humor and sleep.
For more insights on motherhood and self-acceptance, check out this related post here. If you’re interested in exploring more about fertility treatments, this resource is an excellent starting point. For further understanding of self-care practices, you can find useful information here.
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Summary
In a time of personal reflection and change during the pandemic, Jamie Carter shares her transformative journey of shaving her head as an act of empowerment. Rejecting societal norms around beauty and motherhood, she embraces her gray hair and newfound freedom, challenging the expectations placed on women. This bold decision has become a symbol of self-acceptance and strength, allowing her to redefine her identity beyond traditional beauty standards.