When supporting a friend going through IVF, it’s crucial to choose your words wisely. In moments of discomfort, people often say things that can unintentionally hurt those who are already feeling vulnerable. Just as a casual question about pregnancy can hit hard, it’s essential to remember that those undergoing IVF are often in a fragile emotional state.
During my journey through four IVF cycles, I learned that what you say can significantly impact your friend’s experience. Instead of offering unsolicited advice or comments that may seem harmless, consider whether you would say something similar to a friend facing an unplanned pregnancy. Much of the advice given to IVF patients suggests they can control their fertility by simply thinking or doing the right things.
For instance, a well-meaning practitioner once suggested my partner and I needed to work on our relationship for a baby to come. Reflecting on that now, I wonder if that practitioner would tell someone facing an unintended pregnancy that they should fight more to avoid having a child. Here are some common phrases that may seem innocent but can add to the pain of someone already dealing with significant emotional stress:
- “Just relax.” While the intention might be to ease anxiety, it’s nearly impossible for someone undergoing IVF to calm down when their financial and emotional future is at stake.
- “I know someone who…” Please don’t finish that story. Your friend has likely heard it all: the tales of miraculous pregnancies that happened right after someone stopped trying. Infertility is a complex issue and often does not resolve so neatly.
- “Have you tried…?” This usually leads to suggestions like acupuncture. While this alternative treatment can be helpful, it’s often not affordable or covered by insurance, leaving your friend feeling like they’re failing if they can’t pursue every option.
- “You have time.” Fertility declines with age, and every individual has different constraints, such as limited insurance coverage for IVF. Expecting someone to wait indefinitely is unrealistic.
- “You have options.” Yes, there are alternatives like donor eggs or adoption, but your friend might still be processing their desire for a biological child. They need space to grieve before considering other paths.
- “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” This phrase can feel dismissive and doesn’t account for the reality of many difficult situations.
Instead, consider offering more supportive phrases like:
- “I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this.” Acknowledge their struggle honestly.
- “I can’t imagine how tough this must be.” Expressing empathy can go a long way without comparing experiences.
- “I’m here to listen.” Sometimes, just being there to hear them out is invaluable.
- “Can I help you with something specific?” Offering options can make it easier for them to accept help.
One of the most insightful things someone said to me during my IVF journey came from a kind doctor. He advised me to allow myself to worry because it wouldn’t change the outcome. That simple acknowledgment relieved some of the guilt I carried.
If you’re interested in learning more about the emotional and practical aspects of IVF, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. You can also read about personal experiences and insights on this other article that may provide further understanding.
In summary, being mindful of your words can make a significant difference for someone going through IVF. Focus on empathy and support rather than advice or platitudes. For further reading on self-insemination and related topics, consider exploring these search queries: home insemination kit, IVF support, emotional aspects of infertility, fertility treatments, and coping with IVF.