It can be tough to admit that I’m not the perfect mom. It’s far easier to pretend that I have it all together. But the truth is, I don’t — not even close, and not even occasionally. However, what’s even more challenging is watching my children grapple with their mental health because we avoided open discussions about it.
Over the years, I’ve learned to navigate my high-functioning anxiety, complex PTSD, and depression. Acknowledging these issues was just the beginning; the real challenge lies in being open about how difficult it is to seek help, and that struggle is ongoing for me. I share my journey not just for my own healing but also to help eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health for my children. I want them to discuss mental health as openly as we discuss physical health, because mental well-being is just as important.
How to Make Mental Health Conversations Part of Daily Life
One night, my son asked, “Mom, do you get headaches every day?” as he observed me taking my medication.
“Why do you ask?” I replied.
“Because I always see you taking pills,” he said.
This moment sparked my commitment to making mental health discussions a regular part of our family routine. Growing up, mental health was rarely discussed in my household, not because my parents were at fault, but because it simply wasn’t a topic anyone addressed. Instead, we heard phrases like: “Grin and bear it” or “Don’t air your dirty laundry.”
I didn’t even realize my father was managing his anxiety and depression with medication until I was in my 20s. In hindsight, knowing that could have influenced my own life choices, sparing me years of silent suffering thinking I was just too weak or too emotional.
Now, I choose to be proactive. My kids are aware that I attend therapy and take medication to be the best parent I can be. We openly discuss our feelings and mental health, whether they are positive or negative.
Even at a young age, my children are learning to recognize their emotions. There’s immense value in sitting with those feelings, acknowledging them, and moving forward. My eldest, who is 10, once asked if she could see a therapist. When I inquired why, her response filled me with pride: “My heart feels sad. You seem calmer after therapy, and I want to feel that way too.” It took me years to reach that level of self-awareness, so knowing that she feels safe enough to express her emotions makes me feel like I’ve succeeded as a parent.
Embracing Vulnerability
I take pride in discussing the realities that many face daily with my kids. My feelings about my struggles are complex: while I feel no shame, I sometimes grapple with the notion of being a “failure” as a parent. I want to be strong, resilient, and normal.
But I am not a failure. Tackling tough conversations head-on is a display of strength. Despite my past traumas, I’ve shown resilience. My mental health challenges do not make me a bad mom. Breaking the cycle of stigma around my children’s mental health is one of my greatest achievements. They know they can talk to me about their feelings without fear of judgment, which is the first step toward treating mental health with the same seriousness as physical health.
While I may not always be thrilled to discuss my medication or therapy, I can honestly say I’ve never regretted those conversations.
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In summary, discussing mental health openly in our home has fostered a safe environment for my children. It’s a journey of vulnerability and strength that allows us to break the stigma surrounding these important topics.