I understood the significance of my vows when I promised “in sickness and in health” to my husband on our wedding day. It meant I would be there by his side through a fever or the infamous man cold, serving him cold lemonade I had freshly squeezed, all while dressed in a satin house gown. I envisioned myself preparing herbal compresses and being unwavering in my support, even through severe illnesses like cancer, where I would bravely shave my head and accompany him to every appointment, perhaps even sharing a moment of solidarity with some medicinal cannabis. I was ready to make everything about him.
However, I soon learned that I was far from prepared for the support he truly needed.
Four years into our marriage and with one child already, I received a call from my husband, who was experiencing a panic attack that had been lingering for hours. I was away on a short trip with our son, and his distress was palpable. I rushed back, ready to showcase my crisis-handling skills, convinced that I could be a blend of Florence Nightingale and Olivia Newton-John, while also being well-versed in mental health.
But there was a catch: when I get anxious, I tend to talk too much. You could drop me in a lion’s den, and I’d start sharing the history of my breakfast—an “Italian Breakfast” of eggs on spaghetti—while providing an unsolicited commentary on my hairstyle choices.
Fast forward to a week later, Jack started medication, and I discovered I was pregnant again. We were living in a cramped one-bedroom apartment, soon to welcome another child, and it was then that he revealed that my attempts at support were not as soothing as I had imagined. Turns out, I wasn’t a mental health expert, and I didn’t even possess a satin house gown. My energy was often the opposite of what someone with anxiety required.
Now, in 2022, our one-bedroom apartment has transformed into a chaotic domain for our dog and two kids, replete with bunk beds and bicycles. The pandemic only exacerbated the situation, heightening my fears that my children might inherit Jack’s anxiety. I worried about my ability to support them. Sure, I could play pirate ship, but the idea of them facing mental health challenges that I couldn’t tackle was daunting. Would they rely on me for guidance, while all I could provide were vague platitudes like “follow your bliss” or “eat this burrito”?
The societal pressure on mothers to be everything for their children—be it a tumbling instructor or a flossing coach—was overwhelming. Now, the thought of adding “mental health advisor” to that list left me feeling unprepared.
Determined to learn how best to support my loved ones, I reached out to a psychologist friend for advice on aiding children with anxiety. This conversation sparked the idea for a children’s book based on our experiences, featuring a hedgehog character reminiscent of Jack and a chatty squirrel reflecting my own tendencies.
Tips for Supporting an Anxious Partner
Through our journey of “sickness and health,” we’ve grown closer—largely thanks to a marriage counselor and some solid tips for supporting an anxious partner:
- Respect Privacy: Your partner needs their space, not endless discussions about grocery choices. They don’t want to hear about whether rye bread is better for your Reuben sandwiches or if you should switch to soup.
- Avoid Sleep Disruptions: Your partner has a routine for unwinding before sleep. They don’t need you to hold them in a “human bear trap”—let them relax in peace.
- Keep Physical Space: While you might love sneaking in kisses, ensure you’re not crowding your partner. They may need some alone time, especially if they’re engrossed in their favorite show.
- Skip Spontaneity: A surprise rom-com picnic could send your partner into a panic, especially if it involves unexpected elements like a “floor cake.”
- Think Before Writing: Crafting a children’s book where your partner is depicted as a hedgehog might not go over well. They might not appreciate being immortalized in such a manner.
In navigating our lives together, I’ve learned that supporting an anxious partner requires patience, understanding, and a bit of humor. For more insights on mental health, you can check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
If you’re interested in similar topics, you might find these queries helpful:
- Coping with partner’s anxiety
- Tips for supporting anxious kids
- Understanding anxiety disorders
- Mental health resources for families
- Creating a calming home environment
In conclusion, being the support my anxious partner needed took time and learning. It’s a journey filled with challenges, but one that has ultimately strengthened our bond.