Yes, Amicable Divorce Is Achievable! A Divorce Attorney Shares Practical Guidance

Divorce

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Navigating an Amicable Divorce — Even When It Seems Impossible

Yes, it can be done. by Jamie Carter

Updated: May 16, 2022

Originally Published: Feb. 27, 2022

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We’ve all witnessed tumultuous divorces unfold, whether through friends and family or in the media. Take for example the very public separation of singer Maya Jennings and her former partner, Ethan Blake, which has been filled with drama and disputes over the past two years. Regardless of the specific circumstances, divorce is undeniably one of life’s most difficult and emotional transitions. Amidst the tears and asset division, is there such a thing as a peaceful divorce?

It may seem far-fetched to envision an amicable divorce as you and your partner work to separate your lives, juggling everything from children to shared property to personal belongings and memories. However, compared to a scenario where you and your ex can’t be in the same room, rack up exorbitant legal fees, and risk causing lasting harm to your children, striving for a more civil divorce makes sense.

An amicable divorce hinges on a few key principles: tranquility, preparation, collaboration, and patience. This means both partners commit to maintaining a broader perspective—prioritizing civility and kindness over blame during the divorce process. Before heading to court or dividing assets, it’s crucial for you and your spouse to collaboratively determine the steps of your divorce and how to keep things on track. This requires cooperation from both parties.

So, is it truly feasible to achieve an amicable divorce?

“The common perception of divorce is that it’s a bitter, conflict-ridden process filled with animosity and mistrust, yet amicable divorces do occur—and frequently,” explains attorney Sarah Thompson from Thompson Law. “With options like mediation available to address complex matters, couples willing to maintain a cordial relationship can often resolve many issues independently or with the help of a skilled family law attorney. Equipped with the right resources, knowledge, and mindset, divorce doesn’t have to conform to negative stereotypes.”

Achieving an Amicable Divorce

Couples who successfully navigate an amicable divorce (which I also refer to as a compassionate divorce) often have a foundation of trust and a solid understanding of the law as it pertains to their situation, according to Thompson. “For instance, if only one partner is familiar with the family finances, there needs to be mutual trust that the information provided is accurate. Issues arise when one party assumes they will receive or pay what someone else did in their divorce. Remember, divorce is not a one-size-fits-all process.”

Thompson emphasizes the importance of considering all aspects of a divorce, such as resolving child-related matters, including physical custody (co-parenting schedules) and decision-making authority (legal custody). “Prioritizing the well-being of your children over any negative feelings toward your spouse is crucial in fostering a compassionate divorce atmosphere,” she states. “Typically, in amicable divorces, both parties have reached a general agreement on settlement terms.”

Another piece of advice? Stay realistic and remain cautiously hopeful. “I encourage cautious optimism in every case we handle,” Thompson adds. “However, keep in mind that your partner is unlikely to change fundamentally after separation. If they were inflexible before, they probably will be afterward.” She notes, “Additionally, the person you married is often not the one you are divorcing.” Understanding your limitations, being aware of your audience, and being realistic about co-parenting arrangements are vital for those aiming for an amicable divorce.

The choice of attorney is also significant in setting your expectations. Be sure to select legal representation that aligns with your goals.

Additional Tips for an Amicable Divorce

First and foremost, practice patience during and after the process. “Divorce, asset division, financial support determination, and establishing a workable custody schedule is a marathon, not a sprint,” Thompson explains. “Even when issues seem simple to resolve, the other party may not agree on all points. Identify your priorities and stay focused. Seek support from friends or a financial planner. Ideally, an amicable divorce involves both parties working toward a common good, but there are no guarantees. Understanding your options is critical, as decisions made during this time can have lasting effects.”

More Tips for a Peaceful Divorce

When communicating with your spouse, avoid placing blame.
Take a moment before responding to frustrating emails or texts from your ex.
Refrain from speaking negatively about your spouse on social media or in front of your children.
Engage in active listening.
Set personal and financial goals for yourself post-divorce.
Steer clear of agreements made to punish your spouse.
Assume positive intentions from your spouse, especially for the children’s sake, which can reduce conflict.
Try to understand their perspective before addressing issues.
Establish boundaries—defining healthy limits for communication in this new chapter is essential.

Advantages of an Amicable Divorce

If the notion of an amicable divorce feels overwhelming, Thompson is quick to highlight the numerous benefits it offers, including:

Smooth co-parenting arrangements.
Reduced time and costs.
Lower stress levels.
Serving as a positive example for children.
Positioning yourselves for long-term success as a two-household family.

“It’s perfectly acceptable to be outstanding parenting partners even if you’re no longer good marital partners,” Thompson observes. “Having witnessed both high-conflict and amicable divorces, it’s hard to overstate the advantages of a peaceful separation. Those who manage to divorce amicably often find it to be a huge relief to transition from adversaries to friends.”

This article was originally published on Feb. 27, 2022.

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Summary:

An amicable divorce is not only possible but beneficial. It requires a commitment to peace, preparation, cooperation, and patience. By fostering a trusting environment and prioritizing your children’s well-being, couples can navigate the divorce process with civility. With the right support and mindset, it’s possible to transition from partners to friends, minimizing stress and setting a positive example for children.