After welcoming three children into my life, I quickly found my self-care routines fading away, much like many other moms. The spontaneous pedicure outings with friends, lazy afternoons spent reading magazines in bed, and even the occasional mental health day became distant memories. I kept convincing myself that this was just how life was now; eventually, my kids would grow, and I could reclaim my time.
As I rushed through my days, I prioritized my children’s needs, buying them new clothes while I wore worn-out underwear. I felt guilty about spending money on myself, even when my anxiety spiraled out of control. Despite my sister’s encouragement to seek therapy, I kept making excuses:
- It’s too expensive.
- It takes time away from my kids.
- Nothing catastrophic has happened; I should just manage my life.
But ignoring my well-being led to a rapid decline in my mental health. After about five years of marriage and three children, I started to feel overwhelmed. My ex-husband was a very involved father who encouraged me to take time for myself. He would offer to take care of the kids so I could recharge, and after much hesitation, I finally agreed.
However, when we decided to part ways, the realization hit hard: I would have to be my own advocate. No one would schedule spa days or remind me to rest. I had to take control of my mental health and make self-care a non-negotiable priority.
If you’re a single mother and often find yourself saying, “I don’t have time/money/help,” I understand. But if you neglect self-care, you risk burning out. Time and money will always be a concern, but your well-being is paramount. You need every ounce of strength to navigate single motherhood, and that strength comes from taking care of yourself.
Here are some strategies that significantly helped me:
Connect with Other Divorced Friends
Building a network of friends who understand your situation can be incredibly beneficial. Whether it’s a high school acquaintance or a Facebook friend you’ve never met, having someone to share your experiences with can be a source of comfort. Regular chats or meet-ups with divorced friends can provide the support you need.
Seek Therapy
It’s perfectly fine for your children to see you taking time for yourself by going to therapy. This can be particularly helpful during challenging transitions like a divorce. Therapy doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment; even a few months can make a significant difference.
Explore a New Hobby
Starting a new hobby can invigorate your life. It’s essential to find activities that motivate you to get out of bed each day. With the new beginnings in your life, consider adding something you’ve always wanted to try.
Treat Yourself
Don’t always put yourself last. You deserve a new outfit, a relaxing massage, or even a weekend getaway. Once you invest in yourself a few times, you’ll likely wonder why you waited so long to prioritize your needs.
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To summarize, self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for single mothers. By connecting with others, finding hobbies, and treating yourself, you can reclaim your sense of self and well-being.