I don’t drink. Yes, even during the pandemic. There, I’ve said it.
If your first reaction is to ask me why, I appreciate you. If you look at me like I’ve just sprouted a second head or assume I’m no fun, well, that’s your choice.
This is a complex issue for me. I don’t label myself as an alcoholic. In fact, when I shared my decision to go alcohol-free, many people were taken aback. They asked how long this little life experiment would last, some expressed their disappointment rather bluntly, and during the COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve often heard, “You still aren’t drinking — even now?!”
Here’s the thing: I’m a driven and accomplished professional, a wife, and a mom. My husband and I share a strong and loving relationship. Our kids are happy, intelligent, and well-adjusted. Most nights, we enjoy a homemade dinner at the table, and I make sure they never run out of clean clothes. I even whip up gourmet breakfasts on weekends. I meticulously plan our summer activities in January and set a beautiful Thanksgiving table days in advance. It’s the stuff that Type-A dreams are made of, right? Everything is running smoothly, and I’m doing a stellar job of keeping it all together.
Yet, nothing significant ever happened. No embarrassing incidents.
So, you might wonder, couldn’t I just cut back or take a break?
I did. For a time. But it became tedious. Too many rules to follow, and life kept throwing distractions my way: “I’ll only drink wine on weekends (unless Friday is a day off, in which case Thursday becomes part of the weekend).” Or “I’ll just have a glass or two after the kids are in bed” (but then the little ones started staying up later). The chaotic presidential election of 2016 didn’t help, nor did vacations, summer, or the indulgent holiday season.
Then one uneventful Monday evening, my youngest pitter-pattered into the kitchen wearing his footie pajamas, and I instinctively moved my glass of wine behind the coffee maker. It felt sneaky. This was my moment.
We often believe that marriage, settling down, and having children will slow our drinking habits. My twenties and thirties featured sophisticated social drinking—brunches, after-work cocktails, wine tastings, and trips to Napa Valley. All shiny and exciting. Naturally, I thought life in the suburbs would lead to less drinking, right? But it just looked different. There were still plenty of social events and chances to drink, often with children in tow. Mostly, it turned into Netflix and wine nights at home.
Enter the Concept of “Gray Area Drinking”
No one seems to address this ambiguous space of moderation that balances on the edge of responsible and irresponsible drinking. Am I drinking too much? Do I deserve this? Is there a link between moderate alcohol consumption and breast cancer in women (spoiler: there is, and we need to discuss it more)?
That was my reality. No physical dependency, no severe consequences, except for my mental health, which was suffering. My life felt duller than it should have. I recognized that on nights I skipped the wine, I didn’t wake up at 3 AM filled with anxiety. On the nights I did drink, I felt less focused and present the following day. I also noticed I was becoming resentful when anything interrupted my “self-care” ritual of drinking wine almost nightly (let’s be clear, that’s not self-care). And to top it all off, my family has a history of alcoholism.
So, without any dramatic fanfare, I rinsed my glass, placed it in the sink, and made a commitment to prioritize myself that I’m proud of every single day.
Today marks 2.5 years since that quiet Monday night, and my life is infinitely richer without wine. Do I miss it at times? Sure, but only fleetingly. Life is fuller and more vibrant now. I have more patience, and my relationships are genuine and profound. The most rewarding aspect is that I can openly discuss the addiction spectrum with my children, grounded in love and understanding rather than shame.
Imagine a world where, instead of normalizing disordered drinking, we celebrate those who seek healthier choices for themselves and their families. I envision that world, and I aspire to be a part of it.
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Summary:
The author reflects on her decision to stop drinking, triggered by a seemingly mundane moment with her child. Despite societal expectations and personal habits, she recognizes the negative impact of alcohol on her mental health and relationships. Her journey highlights the importance of prioritizing self-care and fostering open dialogues about addiction with her children. The narrative promotes a culture of healthier choices and celebrates the decision to live alcohol-free.