It’s a common phrase these days. “Fifty is the new forty.” “Forty is the new thirty.” And of course, “Thirty is still thirty.” We often hear that aging doesn’t have the same implications it used to. This generation feels so much cooler and more vibrant than those who came before us at this stage of life. Right? Well, not quite.
I genuinely believe that being in your 40s is the “new” 20s, but not for the reasons you might expect. I don’t feel younger or more vibrant than I did in my twenties, and I certainly don’t consider myself “hip.” Honestly, I’m not even sure if “hip” is a term that people still use (unless we’re talking about replacement hips), which says a lot about my current state of coolness.
Even though I’m comfortably in my 40s, I often feel like I did back in my 20s. But it’s not because I’m reliving my youth in a favorite band’s concert T-shirt or bootcut jeans. No, the reasons behind this feeling are different. I experience that same mix of angst and confusion, yet I maintain an odd optimism (though I’m not entirely sure about what) that I felt in my early twenties. It’s a blend of excitement and fear, just like back then. And, just like in my twenties, I have zero tolerance for nonsense of any kind.
There was a time when I felt the pressure to conform to societal expectations. Now? Not so much. I’m a woman who knows her worth and I refuse to engage with any nonsense.
Much like my twenties, I feel like I am teetering on the edge of something significant. Back then, it was the shift from education to the working world. Now, it’s about navigating various transitions—switching careers, evolving as a parent, and moving from the physical demands of raising toddlers to the emotional complexities of parenting teenagers. Gone are the days of worrying about nap schedules and toddler meltdowns; now, I’m faced with late-night discussions about relationships, and managing the ever-changing hazards of social media, all while trying to guide a teenager through their own challenges.
Although the future is daunting, I find flashes of that youthful, “I can tackle anything” confidence that characterized my twenties. Back then, that confidence stemmed from innocence; today, it’s rooted in experience—shaped by empathy, heartache, and resilience. While I may not feel secure in the world around me, I am learning to trust myself.
Yet, like my mid-twenties, there’s a persistent and often unexplainable confusion beneath the surface. I wrestle with feelings of inadequacy, thinking that everyone else has their lives figured out while I’m still trying to find my way. I mask this uncertainty with a façade of confidence, much like I did in my twenties, when I was convinced I had everything under control. Deep down, I grapple with questions that weigh heavily on my mind: Am I a good parent? Am I raising my children to be kind and responsible? Am I leading a fulfilling life? Am I truly happy?
These feelings are understandable. We’re stretched thin by the demands of work, family, aging parents, friendships, and marriage. Does anyone else feel like they’re falling short in every aspect? Are we all too overwhelmed to pause and reflect on why we feel this way?
In my twenties, I buried these concerns under the weight of a demanding legal career and social outings. Now, in my 40s, I distract myself with responsibilities, my kids’ needs, scrolling through social media, and binge-watching the latest shows.
The confusion, the questions, and the loneliness have not vanished.
Being in your 40s also means you have little patience for nonsense. Unfortunately, this growing intolerance makes it painfully clear how prevalent it is in everyday life. I may have let go of some naivety, but my high expectations often lead to disappointment—both in others and in myself. It’s frustrating. I feel angry—perhaps it’s hormones, the complexities of human nature, or the actions of those who have mishandled the world’s challenges in recent years.
So yes, 40 is the new 20. This decade is marked by transitions, just like our twenties. It’s a time for confidence that says, “I don’t care what others think,” mixed with a sense of confusion, optimism, and an impatience for nonsense, similar to what we experienced in our twenties. And yes, I still have that old DMB concert T-shirt, just like I did back then.
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- How to navigate parenting in your 40s
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In summary, while the journey through your 40s may seem daunting and riddled with questions, it can also be an exhilarating time of transformation. Embrace the confidence that comes with experience, navigate the complexities of parenting, and don’t shy away from discussing the challenges you face.